Warning: Results May Vary

Restart

2005-08-10T22:50:00.000-04:00

Sarah Dekay hates me. She hates me because she thinks I was an idiot to kiss Emily that night a long time ago. She hated my course of action. She hates me a lot. I kept thinking about it. And I started playing Swallowed By The Sea by Coldplay and all the feeling rushed back to me. I don't know what I saw in Emily. Now I just see a friend. I guess the feelings faded away.

Her "boyfriend", Lloyd, is very strange. For one thing, I don't think he exists. He sounds exactly like Emily. I don't know how she's doing it, but she is. At least, I think so.

I think Ryan is jealous of me. I think I'm not careful when I mention things, because he has very low self-esteem, and I forget that sometimes. He puts himself down a lot. I just get the feeling he is envious of me. What he says implies it, but I try to ignore it and change the subject.

I feel very down. I don't know why. I have everything I could ever want. But I feel empty. Just a little, though.

By the way, this is goodbye. I'm starting a new screenname on Blogger, with a new blog. And I'm not going to tell you the address. I'm tired of not being able to say everything I want because I'm afraid of hurting someone. I'm supposed to be free here, but I'm still restrained. So goodbye, ryter221.blogspot.com, and hello to a new beginning. Alone.

867-5309

2005-08-07T00:15:00.000-04:00

Hey. Finally, I'm back to writing on my blog. First, let's start with camp. Camp was goodish. Some parts were great, and some were kinda boring. I made a bunch of friends and I met someone who's going to TJ, so I'll see him next year. I finally got to make a movie with different angles of shots, which is really cool. I also used Final Cut Pro, which is extremely cool to use. I almost got in serious trouble for being out of bed really late, all because I listened to a song. (Don't ask.) I played this really cool computer game with everyone else. I played Soul Meets Body a million times. And then I came home. It wasn't the best camp experience, but it was fun.

On Saturday, I woke up really early to go with my parents to the grand opening of the new Apple store in the Pentagon City Mall. It was a nice store, but not so huge, I got a free Apple T-shirt, though! After I came back, I had to sleep so I wouldn't be so tired for Jon's birthday party. Sadly, I didn't know it was Jon's birthday, so I didn't bring a gift. But I am definitely getting him one. We went to Dave & Buster's, and I won a load of tickets. I traded them in for a bunch of crap, but we had fun. Alex let his hair grow long, so now he looks like a skater guy man person. Mikey, Rachel's brother, sounds and looks just like her, only in guy form. Jon is pretty much the same, but I really wish he hadn't failed 7th grade. Even though he wouldn't be going to my school anyways, he seems pretty bummed out he's just now going into 8th grade. I really hope he does well.

For a second, Leighton re-entered my life. Alex called him last night on my phone, and I found out he was the anonymous poster from my blog today. Oh crap. Another coincidence. I just happen to be in a car with Alex when he just happens to call Leighton the day he leaves an anonymous comment on my blog. Wow. That's not the most recent coincidence, though. At camp, on Monday, we pass a clock on a pole, and the time is 3:09. The next day, at breakfast, Mason, the guy who is going to TJ, tells me his room number is 309. The same day, at around 11, one of my roommates, Joe, tells me his room last year was 309. Then the next day, Wednesday, we're playing Uno, when someone plays a 3, and I think, it would be really weird if someone played a 0 and then a 9. And then someone plays a skip, whose symbol is an O. And then someone plays a 9. 309. Very freaky. I think I might start a new blog filled with all the coincidences that happen to me. It's strange. Very strange...

Well, that's all for now, so I'll leave you with a simple quote to remember me by: "Hey Anony! Why don't you go write a poem or something and not attribute it to yourself???"

Thanks for listening.

Apple Of My Eye

2005-07-27T16:10:00.000-04:00

OK. It finally happened. After months and months of waiting, planning, deciding, and not having anything happened, I finally took the plunge. I bought an iMac. The 17" 2.0gHz model with SuperDrive, to be exact. I used my dad's student discount to buy this with Applecare, plus an iPod mini with Applecare, for which we will get the full price back because of the special offer you get when you buy a Mac. I'm writing this post on this computer. Everything is so different, yet so great. iChat rocks, except for the fact that you can't sort them into groups. Garageband KICKS ASS!!! I already made one song, which was pretty bad, but I liked it. iCal and Address Book are handy, and the DVD Player is great. The graphics rock, and the audio is suprisingly good. I love the Mac interface and everything, but getting used to control-clicking and te opion key instead of control is going to take getting used to. So everything has been normal. We've been looking into other country camps, mainly France, for next summer. But they're all very expensive or require a group tour. I did find one good one, but I keep forgetting to show my parents. I didn't get Final Cut Express because the offer went away suddenly, but I'll get it eventually. I still have to buy .mac, iSight, Microsoft Office S&TE, and Final Cut Express. But I'm so happy! I'm ecstatic!! Well, I have to get back to screwing with this computer. That.. didn't.. sound.. right. I meant messing with it. :D Thanks for listening!

The New Year

2005-07-23T22:49:00.000-04:00

Hey guys! John just got a new buddyprofile, so I thought I'd check out my old one and update it. So I went on and deleted the dumb stuff, updated a little, and found one page I wrote on January 1, 2005 about 2004. I was really excited, cause I've always wished I had something I wrote that day, 12 days before my first blog post. So here is what I wrote that day, before the messy friendships, new bands, and second semester of the school year. I grammar-and-spelling fixed it, and added punctuation and crap.

The End of the Year that Brought Us Nipplegate, the Cockroach-Eating iPod Guys, the Shout Heard 'Round the World and a False Idol
(That would be Jackson, Dean, and Hung, by the way)

Well, it’s January 1st, 2005 and I was bored, so I figured I’d start my buddyprofile off with a new entry thingamajiggy. Yeah, I said thingamajiggy. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever said that non-word. I LOVE NON-WORDS, like emans and burb and kevnig! So... well, props to my friends, especially if you got a present from me, then that means your a good friend of mine, and especially to school people, like my best friends Ashleigh and Leighton, and my oldest friends, Mike, Spencer, Abbey, Katie, James, Brian and Amanda, and also to Carly and Ben and Rachel and my new friends from more recent years, and also to camp people, like Nick, Jason, Mike, Austin, Matt, Alex, Tom, Fagnoni, Sarah, Sara, Brynn, Mimi, Carolyn, and everyone else who I forgot (sorry)! Yeah, also go every band I like, which are 3 Doors Down, A Perfect Circle, Alanis Morisette, Alien Ant Farm, American Hi-Fi, the Ataris, Autopilot Off, Barenaked ladies, Bit Shifter, Bjork, Blink-182, Breaking Benjamin, Bruce Springsteen, Coheed and Cambria, Coldplay, Counting Crows, the Darkness, Dashboard confessional, Dave Matthews Band, David Gray, Dido, evanesence, Eve6, Finger Eleven, Fuel, Green Day, Hoobastank, Hot Hot Heat, Incubus, Interpol, Jamiroquai, jason mraz, jet, Jimmy Eat World, Keane, the Killers, Lifehouse, Lit, Lostprophets, Luce, Maroon 5, Matchbox Twenty, Michael Jackson, Michelle Branch, Midtown, Moby, Modest Mouse, My Chemical Romance, Nickelback, Nirvana, Oasis, the Offspring, Phantom Planet, the Postal Service, Puddle of Mudd, Queen, Queens of the Stone Age, R.E.M., the Rasmus, Saliva, Shaggy, Simple Plan, Sixpence None the Richer, Smile Empty Soul, Snow Patrol, Staind, Story of the Year, the storkes, Susanne Vega, Switchfoot, Taking Back Sunday, Ted-Leo and the Pharmacists, Three Days Grace, Train, Trapt, Tweaker, U2, Vertical Horizon, the Verve, the Vines, Weezer, Yellowcard, and any other bands I forgot! Plus, go my Sidekick and my iPod! Also, hooray for writing and I really hope I’m a good author, and also, go our bus driver, Ms. Trisha, cause she drives us 2 school and she’s nice, kinda! Plus, go quotes that randomly are created when something hilarious happens! But boo Mr. Margenau, who technically I could sue for slander, and boo to chores and cleaning and slow internet and no service areas and broken glasses and annoying computer programs and faulty and drives and slow internet and stupid AIM error messages! So there’s my stuff and I don’t think I have any resolutions because I don’t believe in that stuff. Also, YES, I AM ATHEIST and if you don’t like it, deal. Also, please, people, if I don’t like someone (cough, cough, Matt) and you (cough, cough, Morgan) want to make me and that person friends, don’t. Also, I wish everyone a great new year, even though people want a short quick buddyprofile and they’ll never get this far down, and if you did, I congratulate you. That’s my letter to you people!

So there ya go. The first thing I wrote in 2005. I'm gonna change "buddyprofile" to "blog" and put it up as the first post. No, actually I'm not. But I'll leave it here for everyone to read. Also, the entropy level keeps rising. More coincidences. I went to see The Island today, which, by the way, was really good, and in the movie, one guy is describing the head boss guy, saying he has a "god complex". And guess what song has the same words in it? The song we sung the entire time at camp and the song I haven't been able to stop listening to since I got back. In Sugar, We're Goin Down by Fall Out Boy, a line in the chorus says, "A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it." Very weird. And piled on top of that, today, my parents went to the mall and wanted to buy me new shoes, but I really liked my current sneakers, so my mom suggested she buy the same pair, but new ones, of course. So I said OK and she told me to write down the model information. I pick up the shoe and the model number is 405. The same name of a song by a band whose album and DVD I had preordered yesterday. Death Cab For Cutie. This is getting out of control. Well, ta ta for now, but I thought I would alarm you about more freaky coincidences like the recent ones. Watch out. You never know when the lentils and rice will seperate. Thanks for listening.

Time Of Our Lives

2005-07-22T19:42:00.000-04:00

I'm back! I am back from camp for an entire week! And how wrong I was about everything. Everything was so sucky from Sunday to Tuesday. I really wasn't gonna come back and wanted to leave. Man, was I wrong. All it took was a dance to change everything. Stupid Arielle, aka Castgirl, asked me and I decliend. Nicely, of course. Brynn asked me for her friend, Jamie, but I didn't want to go with anyone, but I said I'd save her a dance. But when, after standing around like a moron for half an hour at the dance, Brynn pulled me over, we started dancing. If you can call it dancing. I was a drunk doing the Hokey Pokey. But I headbanged, jumped, cha-cha slid, Cotton Eye Joe'd, leaned back, 1, 2 stepped, and danced the night away. I danced with Brynn, Stephanie, Jenny, and mostly Jamie, who was really cool. I had a ton of fun and she said it made her day, since it was her birthday. I stopped worrying about Sara and said hi without shaking. On Thursday, things got way better. They still though I was weird, but we were all friends by now. Tito got used to the ruining things, and we dealt with John's smell. We won the Colony Olympics by a long shot, and had an awesome time doing it. We rocked, danced, had a basketball shootout, we talked, laughed, ran, jumped, slid, screamed, clapped, and had fun. We had an awesome time, and I SO am coming back next year. Another one of the best weeks of my life. I can't wait to come back for the last time. And who knows? Maybe I'll be a CIT when I turn 16. I just can't wait. This year was the most freaking awesome week and I just can't describe the amount of fun it was. It just puts a smile on my face. I hope to see you camp people next year!!! Thanks for being so freaking awesome!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Imperfections

2005-07-19T21:45:00.000-04:00

I don't know what's wrong with me. Everything is going wrong. I want so much to just break down right now, but Nick is in here and he's too happy. I had the perfect chance this week to do everything right. To be me and show the real me. But all I did was wreck everything by being the person I hate. I was the person I always am when I'm with new people. I try to make myself interesting by adding quirks about me that don't exist. Just to be more "interesting". But all I do is make people hate me or think I'm a jerk or weird or gay or stupid or annoying. I show off without realizing it and make jokes no one laughs at. I try so hard to impress people that I just alienate myself from them. I ruin everything. I know Nick hates me, but he's too nice to say it. Our counseler thinks I'm weird and so do John, Paul, and Kevin. I don't even care what they think, but I want to be the perfect person for just a day. An hour. A minute. A second. All you can expect is a few moments of perfection, but not even that do I deserve. I just want everything to go right for once. It doesn't help that I'm the youngest of the people I "hang out" with. The only girl I was thinking of going with is extremely annoying. I get nervous whenever I see Sara, and everyone keeps telling me to go with one of them. I don't even want to go. And all I can do is continue to lie about everything: my feelings, my wants, my past, my life. One fix to fix a fix to fix a fix to fix a fix until I don't even know what the original problem was. Not even my overpowering optimism is showing. I just want this week to be over. So I can go back to the people who know the real me. The people who I don't have to lie to. The people that I care about. My friends. I propose a toast. To leaving on Friday. And to being back to normal with my friends. Thanks for listening.

Camptown

2005-07-17T19:10:00.000-04:00

Its very strange. A few weeks before camp started, I saw Donnie Darko, an extremely strange, but wickedly awesome, psychological thriller starring Jake Gyllenhal. Near the end of the movie, a song plays during the final scene, called Mad World. This song was originally created by Tears For Fears, but this version was performed by Gary Jules. The song is only available on the soundtrack, so most people either don't remember it or have never heard it. The day I arrived to camp, I saw a man who reminded me of Donnie Darko. Even though he looked nothing like Jake Gyllenhal, for some reason, he vaguely reminded me of Donnie. Then, today, during a melodramatic magic trick by our evening entertainment, he played Mad World. The Not-Widely-Known Gary Jules version. Add this to the coincedence that my roommate shares the EXACT same name and nickname as last year and the strange stuff that had been happening before I left, and I'd say we have a real high entropy level.

Other than that, and the fact that I've only been eating grilled cheese's, my stomach hurts, I keep forgetting my water bottle, and the sweltering heat and humidity is killing me, it's been great. Since Sara, my dance partner, aka date, from last year is never looking up when I am looking up at her and we still haven't said hi, a girl who was flirting with me, Arielle, is probably gonna be my date for Wednesday. My digital photography class is great, as is my chemistry class. All we did in chem is play Uno, so that was fun. My roommate, Nick, is 15, even though he doesn't look it. He is quiet-ish and he doesn't bother me, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me. I dunno why. Well, I gotta go. But I'll keep you posted on what's happening later! Thanks for listening.

Field of Dreams

2005-07-16T11:06:00.000-04:00

I just woke up from the weirdest and longest dream I've ever had and I have to write it down before I forget.

It started out with me having just moved to a creepy old house, and for some reason, my entire family was in one bedroom. Across the hall was a bathroom and we started to hear clanging from the bathroom. My mom and I went to go check it out and we saw a ghost, so I tried to catch it, but it disappeared. I was like "Well, at least it's gone." but my mom said it was still there, under the window curtain. I pressed into the curtain with my hands and the image of a person stuck out, so I took the curtain, wrapped it around the ghost, tied it up, and folded it a million times until it was really small. (I can't remember what we did to the ghost, but then, my dream cut to me and my brother in a treehouse in out backyard.) I was explaining to someone, like Ferris Beuller does in his movie, that my brother was semi-deranged and I also told them how my sister didn't live withus anymore because she was quadripeligic and smoked pot and was really bad and stuff so they sent her to boarding school. (I can't remember what happened next, but I know it was scary and involved my brother. Then the dream cut to me, older, as a computer consultant.) I was quitting my job and yelling at my boss in his face, literally, nose to nose, how much I hated him and stuff. Then for some reason, I was a male model. And I was playing tennis on a hillside estate with someone who appeared to be my friend, I guess. Then I was dating a Latin singer who had a dress on whenever I saw her. Then I was in a store, in front of a cardboard thing, advertising camping gear and I was the model in the advertisement. I was with the singer and we were talking about how famous we'd gotten but how we'd had to hire 2,000 replacement look-alikes of ourselves while we went on a vacation together. Then we were having dinner at what seemed to be a museum with a really tall ceiling. And we were talking about stuff and I think I said something bad, cause she started yelling and saying that if I couldn't commit to this relationship, there wouldn't be one to commit to. And she jumped over a railing and started singing and dancing with about 100 people who were all coordinated and sychronized, including a Mexican mariachi band. (And I think she was singing a Gloria Estefan song, but I'm not sure.) Then after the song ends, my parents walk by, and my dad says "Thanks for the dinner. I'm glad you would even wear us." (Which I guess meant I didn't really make time for them or didn't want to be seen with them or something.) Then I was back in my computer consulting office, begging for my job back, and I got it. And then I think a year passed, and I was planning to reconcile with my ex-girlfriend, but I woke up. (The part right after I get my job back is kinda hazy.)

As I said, the weirdest and longest dream ever. I always forget dreams like 220 minutes after I had them, so I always try to write them down immediately. Like once, I was calling out someone's name when I was half-asleep, and I couldn't remember the name, even while I was whispering it. But usually, if I write it down fast enough, I can have a record of it. Well, thanks for listening.

Paper Street

2005-07-15T16:32:00.000-04:00

OK. Wow. Strange. Really good. I just finished reading Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. That movie with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton is based on this book. Chuck also wrote that book, Haunted, with the story about Saint Gut-Free. When I found out Chuck was the one who wrote Fight Club, I decided I had to read it. And boy, was I right. Wow. Another amazing novel. It's told in the weirdest way ever, but in a good way. He really captures the essence of Tyler and his friend in a weird way, where even though "they" are the strangest of characters, you can somehow relate. The ending leaves a bit to be wanted, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. And even though it doesn't have suspense in the typical sense, you just really want to keep reading it. I really reccomend this book to anyone. I really love Chuck's books, and I had already started Survivor, also by him, before I started Fight Club, and it's good so far, too. It's told in a similar fashion as Fight Club. I really encourage you to read it.

Also, I forgot to mention in my last post that it was my 6-month anniversary. And I won't be publishing my novel on that other blog, because I read about some copyright issues and crap and techincal stuff, so just take my word for it. And lastly, I won't be buying my computer until September 20, because the Mac Expo in Paris' keynote willl be on that day, and since last year at the Paris Mac Expo, they announced the new iMacs, people think it's likely they'll anounce a new design change for the iMacs this year as well. So that's it. Thanks for listening.

Crash

2005-07-13T18:12:00.000-04:00

OK. Freaky-tiki stuff going on around here. This morning, at around 1 A.M., I awoke to the sound of my mom frantically talking to someone on the phone. Shocked by what time it was, I yelled downstairs to ask what was going on. My mom yelled for me to come and see, and shockingly, a large SUV had apparently lost control, swerved, and landed on it side, knocking over a steet sign. As I stare din awe, my mom explained that she had called 911. Telling her to stay away from the windows, in case the car exploded, we stepped to the side as the fire trucks and police cars arrived. My mom, the busybody, wanted to keep watching through the windows, but I was afraid the police might become suspicious and question us. So after the fire truck left, signifying there wasn't much cause for alarm, I convinced her to go sleep. I remained awake, lying in my bed, staring at the detective who was taking pictures of the scene. Evetually, he left, and I fell asleep some time after that. That was this morning. At around 4:20 PM today, a horrible thunderstorm hit around our house. The thunder shook the walls and the power went out for a bit. When I came out of the basement, I checked outside to see if everything was all right as the rain poured down. And then I saw our VCR/DVD recorder. All the digital clocks had been reset, but this one was different. The little lines on the display were spinning. Like in The Ring, with the tape. It was really weird. I was a little spooked so I turned it on and off. And then the time came back on. THE CORRECT TIME. Very weird. And to top it all off, my mom got electrocuted. Not badly or anything, she just got a current sent through her. So it's been weird.

Guess what? It's camp time again! On Sunday, I leave for George Mason University for a week. Then I'll come back! And I'll finally buy my computer! I finally saved up enough money to buy it myself, and not only will I get the student discount, but I can also use the offer to get a free iPod mini AND you can get Final Cut Express HD for $200 LESS THAN THE ACTUAL PRICE! YAY!!!! It normally costs $299, but with the student discount it only costs $150, but if you order it pre-installed on an iMac, it only costs you $99!

OK. Crap. The power just went out and I lost all the stuff I wrote about Macs and Abbey. I really don't wanna write it again, so here's a short summary:

gonna give iPod mini to my mom
gonna make many movies
Abbey contacted me a few days ago
read my entire blog; found out I "disliked" her
I said I didn't hate her, I just couldn't be friends
sucked to lose 4 years of friendship in an instant

So there you go. Thanks for listening.

Characteristic Property

2005-07-09T11:26:00.000-04:00

I drove. I actually drove. I comandeered a moving vehicle. I drove a car! Yippee!!! Well, actually it wasn't that big a deal. I drove in a square in an empty parking lot for 20 minutes. I learned how to make a U-turn, and how to turn. I actually didn't even use the gas pedal, because it went too far, so I just didn't press down the brake pedal, and the car moved. But everytime my dad told me to brake, I'd slam my foot down, and I almost sent him through the windshield because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. Tsk tsk! But my dad showed me how you have to keep the steering wheel in motion and stuff. I already knew how to switch from park into drive and stuff, but I gotta learn not to brake so hard. It was exciting, though. I was really nervous, but it got easier as it went along, but I was dizzy from going around and arpund in the same place after a while.

In other news, I have started to form ideas for my next story/short story/novella/book/novel/tale/whatever it turns out to be. I finally bought "No Plot? No Problem!" by Chris Baty, the guy who made up NaNoWriMo. It'll help me along when I start writing on August 7. I don't want to start now, because I don't want to be interrupted by camp. August 7 is perfect, because it's the day after camp ends, and the 30 day deadline will expire on September 6, the day school starts. But in preparation, I'm reading "Characters, Emotion & Viewpoint" by Nancy Kress, so I can learn to write better characters. One of the things it tells you to do is to create a handful of characters you think can be in your book and create small biographies for them, including description, job, family and stuff. I created bio's for a 15-year-old loner and aspiring writer, a 23-year-old evil temptress whose father killed her mother and sister, a 21-year-old bartender/wanna-be comedian who ran away at age 16 and started a new life, a 53-year-old wise father whose wife is dead and whose daughter doesn't speak to him, a 14-year-old guitarist who lives with his brother because their parents died in a car crash, and a 15-year-old brainy vegetarian who is part-psychic. I also have 27 more mini-bios that aren't filled in yet, but I plan to fill in. What I'm really trying to do is create an abundance of characters, so that whenever I decide to write anything, I can have these characters to pick and choose from to edit to my liking. Kind of like the Generics from "The Well Of Lost Plots" by Jasper Fforde. Oh, and about the last two posts, those were just some writing I felt like doing. Kind of like practice.

So that's all on my part. I'll update you on my progress as it comes along. Thanks for listening!

Runner

2005-07-08T17:51:00.000-04:00

I burst through the front doors of the bookstore, gun in hand. Full of people, I had no idea how I was going to find one man in under 20 minutes. Of course, as soon as they saw the gun, people started screaming. "Relax! LAPD!" I yelled, as I flashed my badge. I glanced in all directions. There was only one way out of here, and that was through me. Ducking through the aisles, practically running over surprised customers, I saw a flash of orange out of the corner of my eye. "Stop! Police!" I yelled over the excited murmur of the rest of the store-goers. As I saw a display case of Harry Potter books fall over, I dashed over in a flash. This guy was really starting to get on my nerves. I saw him run through the mystery section and I followed him, but by the time I'd gotten to romance, he was gone. I stood on my toes, trying to see where he'd gone. Straining my eyes as much as possible, I couldn't see him. That's when I spotted the stairs. I sprinted up to the second floor, where only a few music lovers were gathered around a Rock/Pop shelf. It was as quiet up here as it was loud downstairs. Keeping my gun out of sight, and crouching low, I slowly crept through Country, Classical, and Folk, to no avail. I went through all four aisles of DVD's twice, but he was still nowhere to be found. I glanced at my watch. 8 minutes. "Dammit!" I exclaimed. I ran over to the balcony and scanned the first floor again. "Where are you?" I muttered to myself. And then, there he was. Midway through Historical Fiction, he was slowly trying appear as though he was one of the customers. I stupidly yelled "Stop!" only to realize the grandure of my error. The second he saw me, he ran to the exit. But he was on the other side of the store. I could catch him. I glanced at my watch. 3 minutes. I had no time to go to the stairs. I silently prayed as I leaped off the balcony, landing awkwardly on my ass. I picked myself up and dashed to the exit. There he was. Just a few feet in front of me. My watch beeped to tell me I had 1 minute left. "STOP!" I screamed, leaping into the air to catch him. And that's when the gun went off.

George Warren

2005-07-07T19:21:00.000-04:00

I got into a fight today. Well, you can't really call it a fight. More like being hit in the face with a fist and being knocked out for two minutes while whoever hit you ran away like a coward. Whoever it was left me with a black eye and a note taped to my locker, reading, "STAY AWAY FROM HER." Whoever she was. As much as I've been trying to avoid trouble since I got here, it finally caught up to me. Everyone's heard the stories about me. How I strangled my therapist. How I stabbed my stepmom when I was 9. How I almost died on a drug overdose. How I did whatever they say now. None of it's true, of course. I don't even have a stepmom. Or a therapist. Or drugs. But not even a wildfire spreads faster than a high school rumor. It doesn't help that I'm the "quiet type". At normal appearance, I don't think I look much like a psychopathic murderer. I have thick brown hair and brown eyes to match. I'm 6"1', but I don't look tall. My mom, who I have never stabbed, says I slouch, so that's probably it. I'm not fat, but I'm not a lamppost, either. My personality, though, speaks volumes more than my appearance does, which is ironic, since I hardly speak at all. I can mostly be seen reading or scribbling in a little notebook in a corner, alone. I have friends, though. Everyone should have friends, and I am no exception. I have my best friend, Julie, who i met this year at a "press conference", the stupid name our school calls the monthly meetings the entire school has. She bumped into me, spilled orange juice all over my favorite shirt, and we immediately became friends. She had short curly brown hair and a slender figure, though much shorter than me. But what really caught my eye were her striking blue eyes. They seem to stare straight into the depths of your soul. I wouldn't be surprised if they did. I've known her to make accurate, though extremely vague, predictions about people, their past, and their future. There's also my friend, Zimmy, who I rarely see, mostly because he lives in Canada. But when he does visit, he, Julie, and I hang out whenever possible. He's a year younger than us both, but he's really fun. He plays the guitar and is a great songwriter. He's very humble and says his work stinks, but I think it's really good. Maybe one day he'll get a recording contract. Zimmy is just a tad taller than me, despite the age difference. His head is barely covered with black hair he likes to keep in a buzzcut, and he has dark, dark, almost black, eyes. He's a bit chubby, but not overweight enough to be very noticeable.

Such Great Heights

2005-07-01T21:59:00.000-04:00

Wow. So much has happened in just 4 days. Let's start from the beginning.

When you're bored, do you ever sit and brainstorm about logical things to do? Things that would be feasible and enjoyable for everyone involved to do? I do. But guess what! My parents don't! When they're bored, they decide "Why not drive for 8 hours to Canada with 2 dogs and no planning?" Bad idea. Or was it? So we drive for 11 hours, because of the frequent doggy stops, with the usual griping and complaining. We get a false flat tire alarm. Luckily, Ryan's with me the entire ride, through IM on my phone, right down to when I get to the hotel.We arrive at our hotel at 2 AM, and when I wake up, my tonsils are the size of grapefruits. I struggle through the pain as we go see Niagara Falls, and... wow. Just wow. Wow. Incredible. You can't just see it in pictures or postcards. You have to see it in person to really see it. Wow. I would've stood there for hours just looking into the great vastness. And then it's time to run around the rest of Niagara. With 2 dogs. My mom gets into this Marineland place, so we search for a dog kennel. And what do we find? Farmland, guillotines, weird police officers, and one very annoyed operator. So we don't go to Marineland. By this time, everyone's pissed off at me, because I can't speak, move, or even breathe without it being taken the wrong way. So we head to our hotel room until it's time to see the Falls illuminated. Also very amazing. But since we have dogs, my mom is 3 miles ahead, while my dad lags 3 miles behind, as Tucker is tearing my hand off to run, and I only get to cherish the beauty of it all every once in a while. I have to come back before I die. But alone. So we only take 8.5 hours to get back home, where everything is fine. I rush to download iTunes 4.9 and check out the new iPods, as well as the new Student Union discount I gotta use by September. And then I sleep. I sleep and sleep. And sleep. And when I wake up, it's off to the doctors' office. Where a blood test and throat culutres will soon reveal what I have. Whatever it is. So that was my 4 days. Canada, tonsils, iPods, and sleeping. Thanks for listening.

Piano Man

2005-06-26T17:35:00.000-04:00

I got a huge slew of comments after my last-day-of-school post, which is why I kept it as the first post for so long. I don't want to respond to the comments, because I'll get sentimental and I'll start ranting, but thank you for the awesome comments.

So on Saturday, my parents, Spike, Tucker, Chiqui, and I went to a dog beach/park, where only dogs were allowed to swim. We spent a long time there and I had lots of fun, as did everyone else. I took pictures the entire time, and here are two of the really good ones:
When we got back, I looked on the internet for the piano notes for my new favorite song, Landed by Ben Folds. It's full of piano, so I thought I'd try to learn it. I found it on this website that gives you the first page free of any song that has sheet music. I tried to learn it for hours that day, and yesterday, and today. But I can't play it fast enough to make it sound right. Even Morgan couldn't do it. I browsed and played what I could of some songs. I learned This Love by Maroon 5 pretty well, and same with Clocks by Coldplay. I really like playing the piano, but since our real piano, which is actually a synthesizer with 29 keys, doesn't sound good at all, or sound in general, I'm stuck with the computer, and playing the piano on a keyboard is harder than it seems.

I've also been listening to Bastard by Ben Folds, and there's a line that always makes me laugh for some reason. It goes "Kids today getting old too fast; they can't wait to grow up so they can kiss some ass; they get nostalgic about the last 10 years before the last 10 years have passed." That line always makes me laugh. I think I'm laughing at myself, because part of that is me. I can't wait to grow up (though I don't really look forward to kissing ass) just so I can rememeber what I'm going through now. I want to be nostalgic about the next 4 years when I haven't even experienced them. That song is a great song. I also like the lines "The more he knew, he knew he didn't know shit. The whiz man never fit him like the whiz kid did." You should listen to it. Well, that's all for today. Thanks for listening.

Closing Time

2005-06-24T11:01:00.000-04:00

It's over. It happened. It's gone. The end. Middle school is gone forever. And a whole new world has stepped into our lives.

No one can have the same experiences as you, or live the same life as you, but in that instant, when the last bell of forever rings, you feel united. With those you love, those you hat, and those you don't know. All together with the same goal: to leave school behind. But we become sad. We don't want to leave school. From 6th to 7th, we all went to the same middle school. But we lost a few. From 7th to 8th, we were still in the same school. We lost a few, but we made it happily. But from middle school to high school, it's a big step. We won't just lose a few; I'm losing all but 20. 19 from now, and one who we lost 4 years ago. And as we go in different directions, we tell each other, and ourselves, that we will always have these people in our hearts. Have I forgotten Kat Mallow or Katy Anderson? Brandon Sankey or Holly Martin? No. And I never will. These people exist in our minds because we keep them there, and we hold on to them so tightly. We tell each other, and ourselves, that there will ALWAYS be parties and that we'll keep in touch by e-mail and phone and AIM. I still talk to Mike and Chelsea. I still keep in touch with Devon and Kyle. Sometimes. When I can. If possible. Rarely. Never. We tell each other, and ourselves, that it's not like we're moving; we're just going to different schools. I mean, it's not hard to talk to someone who you never see. Never. Whatever we tell each other, or ourselves, it doesn't matter, because we WILL do these things, because we love each other. And we can't stand to live without each other. Friends are what make everything better when you're sad. Friends are there for you. Friends love you for who you are. Friends are your friends. And you never forget your friends.

This year has been wild. I met so many people and gained so many new friends. From the bus, from gym, from French, from everywhere. On my way to French, Ashleigh says hi to some guy and I say "So that's what his name is! I see him everyday and last year, too, and I never knew his name." I had wild parties and awesome days at my house. Our memories will never be erased. I got close to friends I didn't expect to, and I lost a few friends, too, but in the end, it's been a perfect year. I wouldn't want to change ANYTHING. I would not have done anything different. Really. That's how awesome this year was for me. Even my B+ in English I wouldn't change. Even my fight with Morgan I wouldn't change. Even my angriness I wouldn't change. This year was all I wanted it to be and more. And now that it's over, it's a bit saddening. But I know that I always have these memories, these pictures and videos and clips and flashes and quotes, to remind me of everything from this great year. And even the last year. I still loved that one, too. It has beeen the best 2 years of my life and I don't think anyone has ever had this much fun in middle school. I can only hope that my 4 years of high school will be this great. And how can I help but not be optimistic? I'm not dead. Or paralyzed. I don't have cancer or lukemia. I don't have any brken bones. I have 3 loving parents. Who mess up every once in a while, but they're OK. I'm not blind or deaf. I have all my limbs. I can talk and write and read and everything. I can skip, run, jump, walk, sprint, run, charge and leap. I have tons of friends who love me. Friends who will miss me. Who I'll miss. And that only makes our bonds stronger. Our friendships will stand the test of time. Our friendships will be those rivaled by many, matched by few. To everyone, thank you so much for making my years this great. Thanks for being there. Thanks for shaping my life differently. Thanks for being you. And don't worry. This is only the beginning of the rest of our entire lives. After all, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

And to everyone who feels like breaking down and crying and weeping and sobbing, don't. That's not what it's all about. Put your left foot in and put your right hand in, too. Shake them all about and take a step into the future. Reach for the stars. Jump to new heights. Take a leap of faith. Savor the past. Take in the present. And always, no matter, what, always remember to look forward to your future. Everyone has so much potential, and no matter how bad things seem now, whether you're moving, never going to see your friends again, going to a new school, or dying, remember that you have a great future ahead of you. You will be great. You will be awesome. You will be grand. You will do amazing things. You can do anything, if you just set your mind to it. Get back to the future, and take a step towards it. Approach it with a smile. With a laugh. Because when you look forward to something, it always seems to turn out better. So, thanks for everything. Thanks for making my future just a bit brighter. Thanks for listening.

Book Of The Year

2005-06-21T21:59:00.000-04:00

2 days, 2 hours, 13 minutes and 22 seconds
That's how much time was left when I started writing this post. As time slowly dwindles away, the events get bigger, the cheering gets louder, and the goodbyes get sadder. Today was our sports day and I screamed my lungs out cheering everytime we got a point and yelling at our teammates for sucking so bad. At the same time, it was Emily's last full day, and tomorrow, she'll be gone forever. Well, not forever. But it'll be sad, because I might never see her again. Not only is she going to 8th grade next year, but I'm going to faraway school. And then 2 days after that, I have to do the same to all but 19 of my friends. Michael, Ryan, Ashleigh, Morgan, Carly, Meredith, and Zach. Jordan, Steph, Kara, Jon, Alex, Sharifa, Chris, Meghan, and Kelly. Mary, Caitrin, Jessica, Rachel, and Sofia. Jessica, Aaron, Mariam, Stephanie, and Ed. Looking over the signatures in my yearbook, all saying I hope to see you, or see you hopefully, or come visit, it makes me sad. But I feel their joy. Who can't be happy at the end of the year? Besides, I'm not dead. I will say hi. I will remember. And I look at the other signatures. See you next year, or I look forward to high school with you, or can't wait for our high school years, and the like. And I smile. Widely. Who can help but feel happy when you have so many friends to comfort you? To help you? To hold you and scold you and share with you and have fun with, and everything friends do? No one. And I don't care how cheesy or cliche I sound, but when you have the gift of friendship and love, you have the greatest gift of all.

P.S. I will keep blogging.

Saturday Night Fever

2005-06-20T19:50:00.000-04:00

The party was awesome! We ate, we talked, we danced, and we watched Friends for 2 1/2 hours! Michael revealed his talent at DDR, Ryan shoved me into a table (but not like angrily, just playfully), Patrick put his feet on my TV, Jon was a loner, Kara screamed, Meredith, Carly, and Emily started a Jello fight, Morgan liked ponies, Amanda craved veggie burgers, Zach and Crystal sucked at DDR, Steph got tied to a pole, Chris made his dumb jokes, and we had a blast! It was one of the best parties ever, except for the fact that I had a temperature of 103 degrees for the first half of the party, and was cold, clammy, and sweating the other half. But I had so much fun!

On Sunday, I cruised through Oldtown with my parental units, and I bought two books I've had my eye on, The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde and Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk. The Eyre Affair takes place in a very strange 1985, with a SpecOps Agent named Thursday Next (weird name, but cool) investigating literary crimes. It's actually really good, as is Haunted. It's written by the guy who wrote Fight Club (the original book, not the script for the movie), and although the book is really weird since it's told from 25 different points of view, going in a cycle from an omniscient narrator, to a poem about one of the book's 23 characters, to a first-person narration by that character. It's very strange, but so far, it's been really good. I also saw Batman Begins on Sunday, and it was really good. It was darker than the other Batman movies, and though all the Batman movies are good, with the exception of a few (COUGH GEORGE CLOONEY COUGH), this one was really good, especially because it reveals how Batman becomes Batman.

Today, we got our yearbooks!!! But I lost all respect I had for Mr. McCollough. He kept telling us they had already called team 6 for yearbooks, when they hadn't. But luckily, Ms. Wilkinson, in the first nice thing I've seen her do, told him they were about to call Team 6, and she told us to go. The yearbooks are great, except for the cover and the color of the inside covers. I got a bunch of people to sign it, and I'm gonna bring it back tomorrow along with my disposable camera. I'm so excited! So I just though I'd let you know how this weekend went for me! Thanks for listening!

Hard to Do

2005-06-17T20:38:00.000-04:00

Morgan and I had a rift. It was a little ripple over Eugene. But it's over now. I hope. This is the e-mail I sent her to apologize:

I just finished talking to you. I wasn't mad at you, and I understand now what is going on. I just needed some space before I could talk to you again. Even if I was mad at you, I still wouldv'e wanted you to come tomorrow, and I hope you still are. I thought you and Eugene were going out again, but I was wrong. I assumed too much, and when you wouldn't answer me at lunch, it really hurt me. But you had a right to not to tell me. I am not entitled to your entire life. I'm sorry if you thought I was mad. I don't like Eugene because I thought you had learned from Matt; that you don't keep friends who are horrible to you. Hell, I was horrible to you. But what Eugene did wasn't what Matt did, and the two are completely seperate. Eugene deserved a second chance, and you gave it to him. You both gave it to each other. The worst loss of a friend is the loss of friend through a break-up. I know from personal experience. So I thought I'd let you know what was going on. I have to go. I love you, and I hope you can forgive me. I know I don't deserve it. But I can't stand not having you in my life. Cya later.

I would post Morgan's e-mail, but it's kind of personal. I hope she can forgive me.

Jersey Guy

2005-06-16T20:15:00.000-04:00

I just finished watching Garden State. Wow. What an awesome movie. Zach Braff is a really good actor, as is Natalie Portman. She was really funny, and I commend Zach for wiritng such an awesome script. I love the music, especially since I had the soundtrack before I saw the movie. This originally premiered at Sundance, and I just love those movies. They have this feel that is way different from regular movies, where they just like zone you into the movie. Napoleon Dynamite had the same feel, even though it's a completely different movie from this.

A while ago, when I bought the soundtrack, I checked out the website of the movie, and they had Zach's blog on it, so I started reading it. I feel like I know him now. He seem s like just a down-to-Earth guy. Then again, you don't no someone just because you know eveyrthing about their personal life. Well... I dunno. But it was a really great blog. I think I write something about reading it on my blog somewhere.

In other news, it turns out 22 people, including me, will recieve the Fleur De Lys. If she got an A on your final grade, and your final exam, then you get it. I can live with that. I'm really not a competetive person at all, and winning is definitely not the most important thing to me, but when I heard about it, for some reason, I just really wanted it. I guess I wanted what the guy who directed All-District Chorus this year was talking about: recognition. If you get an award or get an A, it's not as great if no one recognizes you, or says congratulations, or anything. I always remember that from him. Not the music, or the lyrics to the songs, but that statement. Strange. Well, I don't have anything else to write about, so I'll leave with that. Also, check out Garden Stae, or at least the soundtrack. They rock. Thanks for listening.

Scramble

2005-06-15T18:14:00.000-04:00

OH YEAH!! WHO BEAT CHRIS BY 98 POINTS IN SCRABBLE WITHOUT CHEATING???? I DID!!! :D OK, gloating over. I made two awesome plays, WIZEN on a triple-word for 51 points, and DRUMLINE using all my tiles for a 74-point bingo. And guess what? I looked up drumline! IT'S NOT A WORD! That's so dumb, yet so awesome! Yippee!

OK, there's some stuff I haven't had a chance to tell you, and now is the time.

I need the Fleur de Lys award. It's the award for the best French student. I NEED IT!!! Everyone thinks I'm going to get it, but I'm worried about Will Dooris. He got into TJ, won Honorable Mention in the Dupont Essay thing, has gotten straight A's all year, was student of the quarter, and probably a did a lot of things I don't even know about. Aargh!!! I want that award really bad! Not only is it the flower from the Priory of Sion from the DaVinci Code, but it's also a French award, and after working my butt off in French, I think I deserve some recognition.

I have also decided to stop saying "gay" and "retarded" in the sense of negativity. Gay only means homosexual, and retarded is only a disability. Somebody was retarded or gay (or both) would find that offensive, and I don't want to be the kind of person who offends people, because I know that it hurts. On that note, I also don't want to hurt people by saying "Your mom", so I am going to try my hardest to stop saying that, too. Wish me luck.

4 people like me, and I can't have a relationship with any of them for one reason or another. I won't name names, but it's super annoying. One's a crush, one's a long-time liking, one's a "please don't because I don't wanna break your heart", and the last is "other". I have issues.

OK, my end of the year party is in 3 days. My algebra final is tomorrow!!!! SCARY!!! AND THAT COUNTDOWN ON MY BLOG IS SHORTENING!!! AARGH!!! Time is dwindling away....

So I just thought I'd let you know what was going on in my life. Thanks for listening!

Bad Influenza

2005-06-12T20:00:00.000-04:00

So I wake up at 8 A.M. and I feel like crap. My head hurts, my throat is sore, my muscles are sore, too, I have a fever and my nose is stuffy. I lay there, extremely light-headed, and fall asleep, having this strange dream where I'm 4 different people, 3 guys and a girl, and we all have superpowers and superhero outfits. At around 9, my mom wakes up, and I tell her I feel horrible. She brings me orange juice and a pill, and I go back to sleep. I have the same dream, but now we're in the ocean on a big ship, and we're fighting people, but I can't tell who. At 10, I wake up again and drink more orange juice. I lay there, and have the dream again, except now, one of them has a girlfriend who is a supermodel. About 45 minutes later, I wake up when my mom brings me a pitcher of lemonade. I have the dream, and it turns out we're fighting a pirate ship full of supermodels. At 11, my dad is home, and I wake up again, and drink more lemonade. Each time I wake up, I feel a bit better. My dreams become less vivid, but the girlfriend of the guy gets stabbed and dies. I continue this routine until at about 1, when I'm feeling good enough, I eat 2 waffles and a glass of milk. After I finish, I watch TV for 30 minutes, then go back upstairs to sleep. My dreams stop, and I lay in my bed, half-asleep and half-awake. I fall asleep until 3:30, and I'm feeling a bit worse again. My fever has heated up again, but my throat no longer hurts, and my nose is just a bit stuffy. At 4:30, I wake up and do my civics homework. However, the noise of the sharpening of my colored pencils wakes up my dad. I finish my pie chart and I go back to sleep. When I wake up at 5, my parents are awake and getting ready to leave for a TJ meeting. I finally wake up for good, feeling much better, yet still sick-ish. I finish my homework, and after my parents leave, I call Morgan back. We talk, while I watch TV. After we hang up, I go upstairs to eat dinner. And then I become extremely bored. I HATE BEING SICK! It sucks so bad. I wish I felt better. Well, I thought I would let you know what a crappy day I had. :D Thanks for listening.

For Dummies

2005-06-11T23:37:00.000-04:00

How to Write a Deep and Thoughtful Blog Post People Will Want to Read
Have you tried writing on your blog, but all that comes out is how many pieces of pizza you ate today? Are you tired of meaningless pieces of information filling your blog? Wel,, you've found the right place!

Steps
1. Find a song that is sad, slow, deep, dreamy, floaty, thoughtful, and/or makes you want to cry, sob, remember, and/or sleep.
2. Play it at a reasonable volume on repeat and close your eyes for a while as you listen.
3. Open up your eyes once you feel floaty and dreamy enough.
4. Choose a deep topic you feel close to (e.g., nostalgia and rememberance, life and death, war and peace, racism and predujice, etc.).
5. Start with a sentence that captures people's attention, no matter how confusing. Use sentences like "At times, I'm trying to be a person who I want to be, but I find that trying to be that person makes me be who I am not.", not "I don't know who I am."
6. Continue on about the subject, as much as you can.
7. Once you feel like you've written as much you want (or can), end the post with a dramatic statement.
8. Finally, title your post. You can name it the title of the song you listened to, the title of a book or movie that coincides with your topic, a saying or idiom that relates to your post, or something that you make up yourself.

Tips

Use your heart and mind at the same time. Say things that you believe in and are true to yourself.
Make references to movies, books, songs, or anything. This only adds depth to your writing.
Don't worry if you end up talking about some topic completely different from what you started with. You can always end with something like this: "And now I've slowly drifted completely off topic from what I started talking about. Funny how that happens. It's like life."
At the end of your post, add a quote. They really spice up and dramatize your post. A line from the song you were listening to is great.
One word titles are great and easy to think up.
If you've used a word in your blog that emphasizes your topic/post, look up a synonym or the definition of that word, and use it as your title.

This How-To Article can also be found here.

Equilibrium

2005-06-11T19:01:00.000-04:00

I don't think Ms. Hindenlang likes me very much. I think she thinks I'm egotistical, lazy, a liar, over-controlling, conceited, mean, and vain. She doesn't show it, but it's like I can sense it. It seems whatever I do in English, it always turns out to either be misconstrued as mean, or happen when I'm in a really crappy mood.

Sorry about that. I just had to get it off my chest.

Speaking of sorries (sorrys? sorry's?), sorry for sounding so morbid and bleak in my last post. I was feeling really low, as stated by the post's title. I was just feeling so down after all that had happened that day. Once you write it all down and really take it in, it just hits you hard. I could have written about something happy and ignored everything that had happened. But that's not optimism; that's ignorance. And though ignorance is bliss, over-magnification is horror. Focusing on every single bad thing that happened and viewing it as dark and horrible is just as bad. I guess the key is to take in the good and the bad, and contemplating, but not dwelling, on it; then, you look ahead with a positive, yet still realistic; grand, but not cocky; good, though not bubbly, outlook. I've realized the the key to happiness is balance and moderation. Be safe, but not over-cautious. Take risks, but don't be a daredevil. Have fun, but don't be a partyer all the time. Behave, but release your wild side when appropriate. Talk, but don't blab. Help, but don't carry. Have order, but don't be a neat freak. Compete, but don't be a sore winner or loser. Be nice, but not a pushover. Believe in yourself, but don't be cocky. Love yourself, but don't be vain. Take everything in balance. And then you'll reach your high point. The top of the world. Just don't fall off. :)

Thanks for listening.

Low

2005-06-10T20:16:00.000-04:00

In algebra, Ed tells me about his new studio equipment. Sam isn't talking to Stephanie, but Stephanie doesnt know why. A dead baby bird is found outside. As chorus is ending, I ask Jordan and Emily if they're coming to my house today. Jordan says no, because Patrick is coming. She tells me that she actually only liked Patrick for a few hours after the party when she said that, but after that, she didn't and that was why Jordan said no, not because she didn't want a boyfriend, which is what she told Patrick. And she also reveals that she now has a boyfriend too. So she tells me not to tell Patrick, but I have to. He deserved to know after what she did to him. So she yells at me and gets furious as I storm off. I tell Ryan my dilemma as the last day of dressing out in gym occurs. Ashleigh is missing on her birthday. I sprint to French to see the sub people were talking about, and he turns out to be the mean guy from algebra. I quietly sit so he doesn't bother me, shortly after he argues loudly with A.R. At lunch, John is down because his parents are making him play football and because they want him to play band. He wants to break down, but he can't. I have an idea of what he's feeling. We laugh and he cheers up a bit. I leave for the bus after English, where Patrick feels mad and sad at the same time because of Jordan. They fight online at my house while Emily, Morgan and I play SSX 3. Things aren't awkward between Emily and me at all, which is good. I was afraid we would turn into Liz and me. People go home. Morgan stays a bit longer and she gets bored. I can't excite her and she leaves. I feel empty for some reason. I eat dinner. I watch the MTV Movie Awards. I play the piano and come upstairs. I start writing this post. I start to cry. I break down. I wonder why I feel so sad. Patrick's relationship with Jordan is sinking. John's high school dreams are falling apart. Ashleigh's birthday isn't celebrated. Sam's ignoring Stephanie. Hearts break, hopes crumble, celebrations fail, shoulders turn cold, birds die, and people cry.

And we move on.

Preprinted

2005-06-08T17:43:00.000-04:00

This is a rant that I borrowed from my friend, Amanda, who borrowed it from a website called starlightmks.com- I'm putting this here because I totally agree with it-

If there's one thing that annoys me the most, it has to be people labeling themselves. So which "category" do you fit in? Prep? Punk? Goth? [insert name of other label here]? Ugh... it makes my head hurt just to think about it. Who came up with this stuff? Some insecure 14 year old trying to find their identity? The odd thing is that I don't encounter this problem too much in the real world, but it seems to be one heck of a big deal on the internet. Since you are an internet user, this article is for you. :-D

Isn't it aggravating how some people will judge you as a person based on whether or not you think Good Charlotte is "punk"? First of all, let's look at the definition of "punk". The dictionary definition most relevant to this would be "A young person, especially a member of a rebellious counterculture group". And that's all there is to it? Most people don't seem to think so. If you ask ten people what "punk" is, you will get ten different answers. Why? Because it's one of the many stupid labels made up by people who think they're really cool and original, so of course, it doesn't have one official meaning. Do you want to associate yourself with something that has a different connotation wherever you go? I sure wouldn't. Another sad thing is that people put these labels on music, clothing, and other things of that sort. It's too bad really. It narrows possibilities so much. I mean, are you really not going to listen to a certain kind of music at all because it's not "punk"? Are you really expressing your individuality by only wearing clothing that would be considered "goth"?

Many people claim that by labeling themselves with something other than "prep" makes them a unique person. Pretend for a moment that you're a "punk" or "goth" and you think you're really cool because of your label. The reason you labeled yourself is because you fit into that certain "category" right? Now how is that being original? If you dress just like all the other "punk" or "goth" people, act the same way, and listen to the same music, how is that different? If you answered "I don't know" or "it's not" to that question, you are right. Being different in the same way as other people doesn't quite make sense. But if you are a "goth" and claim that you don't listen to the same music and buy the same clothes as others in the group, you will probably be told by someone who considers themselves to be a "true goth" that you don't really fit into the category.

So you say "punk" is your lifestyle? Great. Go be a rebel. Disobey authority. Good luck to you when you wind up in jail someday because you thought it would be cool to set fire to the police station since a cop gave you a speeding ticket (after all, people who enforce rules are doing it just to limit your fun and it has nothing to do with safety or anything like that). If you think "punk" has nothing to do with being a rebel then tell Merriam-Webster to put your definition in the dictionary. If your definition of a word is not in the dictionary, then that's not what the word means and you need to expect people to be confused. The most common made-up definition of "punk" is something along the lines of being yourself, creating your own style, and not caring what other people think. Well why do you have to put a label on that? Why do you have to call yourself a punk if you're an original person? Why can't people just be people instead of "punk" people, "goth" people, "prep" people, etc?? AHHHHH! It doesn't make sense!

Okay before I start getting hate mail about this, I'm just going to clear up some things about me. I only call people preps who consider themselves preps. I also do not hate "preps". I hate people who act stupid even though they're not, dwell obsessively over their hair and makeup, consider themselves the most important thing in the world, worry about the most superficial things, and step all over people they think are less popular. Since this is the assumed definition of a "prep", I find it easier to just use that word. Also, I do not hate "goths". I hate the people who believe their life sucks and hate everyone and everything around them and hate life. I really think that's a dumb idea, cause you should be happy that you are alive. No matter how bad things are, as long as you're alive, things will always get better.

Have I made my point yet? Yeah, I think I have. This'll do for now. Anyway, I don't care if you consider yourself to be one of these labels, just don't try to force your opinions on me and I will do the same for you (meaning don't e-mail me about it). We can all agree to disagree and that's just peachy. I gave you my reasons, now all I ask is that you:

DON'T LABEL ME!

P.S. I edited this a little to match my opinon as well.

The Loneliest Number

2005-06-08T17:37:00.000-04:00

So she said no. And Jordan said no to Patrick. Looks I'll stay single for a long time. Sigh. But I'll get over it. I always do. I guess.

Jordan was feeling really bad, cause he was sad when she said no. The last time he had a mutual liking was when she moved before he could make his move. He thought Jordan would say yes, because she said she liked him, but she was just leading him on. As was Emily. Girls. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

So today I presented my book report on Tangerine. I think I did good, cause Ms. Das whispered "Awesome." when I gave her my report. Maybe it was sarcasm. Whatever it was, at least my report was better than Alex Triplett's. I feel like I have this unspoken rivalry with him that he doesn't know about. I kept thinking, "I found his weakness: book reports." I always try to finish before him, and three times, I have, but he beat me to turn it in. On the SOL, and on a test where I forgot to write out work for a problem, and a quiz where I forgot to write my name. It's pretty scary. :D

We sung for the 6th-graders today! It was pretty fun, but I only saw 2 people I recognized; Kat from SACC and Mr. Curtis. I sung my heart out and I think our group did better overall (not because of me, but just something I noticed). I kept thinking that if 2 years ago, someone had told me what my life would be like now, I wouldn't have believed them. And before I go into a rant about rememberance, which have taken over my blog, I shall change the subject.

The new Coldplay album ROCKS! X & Y is awesome. My favorite songs on it are Square One, What If, A Message, and Swallowed By the Sea. I can't stop listening to it, and I've had it suck in my head all day. But in a good way.

So there's this thing I want to post on here, but it would enlarge this post by way too much, so I'll put it in a new one. Thanks for listening!

What If

2005-06-07T20:07:00.000-04:00

What if there was no life?
Nothing wrong, nothing right.
What if there was no time?
And no reason or rhyme.
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side.
That you don't want me there in your life.
What if I got it wrong, and no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life.
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
How can you know it if you don't even try
Oooh, that's right
Every step that you take could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that's the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your side
That you don't want me there by your life.
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
How can you know it when you don't even try
Oooh, that's right
Ohhhhh
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
You know that darkness always turns into light
Oooh, that's right

Match Game

2005-06-07T18:28:00.000-04:00

OK. I asked Emily out. On a date.

Gulp.

I was thinking about it a whole lot last night, and all I could think about was that if I didn't ask her out, I would go forever wondering what my life would have been like if I had asked her out. So following some good advice, I took a risk. I took a chance. I leaped. I jumped. I took the plunge.

And what did I get for my troubles?

"I'll think about it."

Girl talk for no. Aargh. I was all sweaty, and though partly due to the heat, it was also due to the amount of nervousness I was feeling. Even though I've asked out people before, never in person to someone I really liked this way. I had been practicing since this morning, and I still hadn't found a good way. "Hey. Wassup?" Too gangsta. "So I hear you're single." Too cocky. "Maybe we could, um, do, um something, um, sometime, you know, um, like, um, more, than friends?" Too stuttery. "You wanna be my girlfriend?" Too blunt. "I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies with me next friday?" Perfect. Or not. So we're walking down the hall from chorus, and Jordan reveals to me she liked Patrick and Patrick liked her, so I'm excited, and it peps me up a little. I keep trying to talk to Emily, but she keeps saying bye to people. So we're about to seperate when I blurt out, "Emily, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies next Friday." She looks at me and says "I don't know. I haven't gone to a movie with people in a while. I'll have to ask my parents. I'll think about it." or something along those lines. And I let her go to lunch.

OK, first of all, "I haven't gone to the movies with people in a long time." People. As in more than one. As in not a date. As in "I don't want to go on a date with you." And second, I'll have to ask my parents. SO not. And that killer line, "I'll think about it." I wish she'd just have said no and let me down easily.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Maybe she really hasn't gone to the mvoies in a while. Maybe she does have to ask her parents. Maybe she will think about it. Maybe she will say yes.

I hope so.

Wow, am I geeky and desperate. I do want her to say yes, though. I really like this girl, and I don't want to lose her. Thanks for listening.

One-Night Stand

2005-06-06T13:17:00.000-04:00

So last night was Emily's party, and it was off the heezy! I didn't just say that, did I? Yeah, I did.
Well, it was really fun! Exhausting, but fun. I woke up today and my muscles were so sore. I am so tired, but taking a shower helped. Well, now about Emily's party. First of all, I got there an hour early, cause I thought it was from 5 to 10, when it was actually from 6 to 10. But her mom was OK with it, though she was EXTREMELY bubbly. (Emily denied it, but I know bubbly when I see it.) So we hung out, and we went it the moonbounce and then people started arriving. Practically everyone from our chorus class was there. So while all the preppy sevvie girls swarmed, I was the only sane person there, not to mention the only 8th grader. I was about to blow up, when finally Patrick arrived. We played DDR and some people got in the hot tub and moonbounce, but I stayed inside, cause of the heat. Then Mara got hurt, cause some mean guys there hit her with stuff. So they stayed watching TV, while several of us went out and sat in the moonbounce and talked. Jordan was all over Patrick, and I was all over Emily. It got really dark, and we got closer. I stroked her hair, and I started kissing her neck. I don't know if she noticed or not, cause she acted like nothing was going on. Maybe she didn't want anyone to know. But she didn't tell me to stop either. Everyone kept telling to ask her out, but I didn't want to. It was like that thing I have with Morgan, where I don't like her that way, but I like flirting with her. It's complicated and hard to describe. But whatever it is, I was doing the same thing with Emily. I don't know if these realtionships will ever go anywhere. Morgan has a boyfriend and Emily doesn't seem interested, but then again, she doesn't seem not interested. I dunno. So I guess I'll just keep living my life like this. Not taking any risks. Give me advice. Before I blow up! Thanks for listening.

FYI: Freaky Yellow Instigators

2005-06-03T23:10:00.000-04:00

OK, just so you guys now, Morgan and Patrick, I'm still friends with you. I just got super-pissed off at Leighton and I can't deal with him anymore. Most of the stuff was sarcastic, anyways, though I wouldn't change a word of it. I'm glad I got all that off my chest. From now on, all comments posted by Leighton will be deleted. Blegh, just saying that name makes me want o vomit. Blegh. Anyways, just wanted to let you know.

Another One Bites the Dust

2005-06-03T23:05:00.000-04:00

I don't "classify" people. That's the last thing I'll ever do. I was just saying making an analogy. You don't have to bite my head off. What you're saying I do is exactly the opposite of what I do, and also the reason I'm not friends with you. I don't "pull people out" when I want to talk to them. That's what you did to Matt. You're only friends with him when he isn't annoying. Perhaps that works for you, but I can't just be friends with someone some of the time. If someone bothers me to that point, and it doesn't work out, I stop being friends with that person. I can't just decide, "Oh, hey, he's not being annoying or dumb or mean or scornful, so why don't I be friends with him for a few minutes until he starts being that again? Great! And this way, I can't ruin my poularity status I'm so dependent on because I have no realfriends, just a bunch of people who I hang out with, brcause they're not geeky and won't lower me and make me feel worse about myself!" I can't live like that. Oh, and sorry for thinking people care about me. I forgot that I have to be popular, rich, show-offy, and stuck-up to be cared about and worshipped. It just slipped my mind. Also, thanks for feeling sorry for me! I love it when morons who think they're perfect give me pity because I have no friends! After all, what's life without that good old pity? And don't worry, I'll have tons of fun with Morgan at my party for two! I mean, after all, I have no friends! Because I'm just a guy who hates everyone and is always does things for the wrong reason. I mean, the right reasons of course are lying, deceit, backstabbing, hurting the ones you care about, power, control, and hate. And I've got tons of hate! Cuase you know, I hate life and everyone and I wish everyone was dead! Duh! :D I just love hating people! But the only thing I love more that hating people is destroying my friendships! I just love throwing away great memories and what could've been if my "friends" weren't such stuck-up, prissy, bitches! HEY MORGAN? I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH YOU ANYMORE! YAY! THERE GOES ANOTHER ONE! Oh yeah and Patrick, same for you! And ever other great person in my life who cares about me! I hate you, too! Because I just love hating people randomly for no reason! Yay! :D Thanks for listening, you bastards!

Oh, oops! Did I say all that? I hope I didn't offend you. I'm sooooooo sorry, Leighton. I hope you can forgive me! You know I would never do that on purpose! Oh wait. YES, I WOULD. AND I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN IN AN INSTANT.

Wordplay

2005-06-03T22:47:00.000-04:00

Although not so radical, there is truth in what is said.
The song of our life is waiting to be written.
Sound does not travel through space, but what is space but matter? Does space matter?
Inflation does not help the throat-impaired.
What goes up can stay up there if it pleases.
Bars may turn out their lights, but is it really closing time when you've just been born?
Theater reveals more than it appears to.
You can hide, but you can't run.
Lizardi is not plural for lizard.
Good advice not taken may as well have never been said.
Stereo systems are not smart enough to be right.
As much as you would like, offices don't belong in living rooms.
14 years later, the message was still as vague as it had been before.

Don't Speak

2005-06-03T19:47:00.000-04:00

So today, I played SSX3, which is awesome, by the way, for like an hour. It's really fun. I played a while with my dad until my mo0m left for work, and then we left to go to Borders. I bought the books I didn't buy at Morgan's party, Velocity by Dean Koontz, and 4th of July by James Patterson. Sadly, I can't start them until after I finish Odd Thomas, which I can't finish until I finish Frankenstein. I'm trying my best to only read one book at a time, but it's SO tempting to read them all. I better update my sidebar for the new books.

I also am now Liz-ified with Paige. She hates me tons, and I was sick of her droning on about her stupid, idiotic "boyfriends" and crushes and stupid, meaningless things that happen, even though I listened intently, because Paige has a need to be listened to, because she doesn't get attention at home, and when she does, it's very negative. So I listened and always gave my input and advice, but whenever I'd talk about something small about me, which I rarely do, she's always be like "I don't care" or "No one cares, Kevin", and that pissed me off. So when she came up and yelled at me with Vanja, it was the last straw, and I yelled at her. Ashleigh and Ryan calmed me down, but I was really mad. So on the bus, I just told her to shut up and never talk, because she had nothing worth saying, and she got mad, too. So now we are Liz-ified. By the way, when I say that, I mean that not only are we not friends, but we cannot talk at all to each other. Like I said earlier, although I am not friends with some people, I can still talk to them as people. Also, I'm going to be friends with Patrick, because, though annoying at times, he isn't one of the people whose annoying-ness gets in the way of his other good qualities. He's funny and though lazy, can perservere when he wants to. Unlike Matt, whose annoying-ness and grossness (sticking wires in his braces, sucking pencils, picking his teeth with a pen), are too much for me. But like Abbey and Leighton and Suhmeda, I can still talk to him normally like a person. :)

So I just thought I'd let you know what was going on in my life right now. Thanks for listening!

Personality-itis

2005-06-02T23:29:00.000-04:00

OK, the movie was AWESOME! People laughed and Ms. Armitage thought it was good and everyone liked it, and it was GREAT! I also handed out the invitations for my party today, so I'm excited about that too.

I want love. No, I'm not a power-hungry, lonely, creepy, hobo who needs to be loved. I want love. Like true love. Like my soulmate. Like the love of my life. I want that person to walk into my life and take me with her. I want that person I can talk to anything about, the person who laughs at my jokes, and lights up my life. The person I can hold in my arms and whose head fits just perfectly in my shoulder. The person that gives my life meaning and strength and courage. That person. I want to meet her and never let her go. I want a true love. But I'm 14. Fat chance.
Who am I "supposed" to be? At times, I'm trying to be a person who I want to be, but I find that being that person makes me be who I am not. Which is strange. I mean, people say you shouldn't change yourself, but if you're a person who is mean and cruel and has no friends, but wants friends, shouldn't you change yourself? But if you're changing yourself so you can have friend, then aren't you just being untrue? But no one can like if you act like you do. It's so confusing. People say this and people say that. I am so tired of the stereotypes and the social rules we must abide by. But if we had no rules, then life would be too chaotic, like BS and KF. IJ. Sorry. Anyways, everything is so strange. I try to be balanced, but I'm not. My true self is different from what I'm trying to be. But I'm only trying to be a better person. But better in what sense? I don't know. And for what reason? Am I trying to be someone? I don't know. I don't think so. But then again, I'm trying to guide myself to be a type of person. But I don't want to be "a type of person". And the type of person I am is unique and I don't want to ruin that. But I'm trying to be the type of person that is kind and nice and listens and doesn't hold a grudge and expresses feelings in a healthy way and just calm. But if that isn't me, is it bad to want to be that person? WHY do I keep saying that person? I am me. And no one else. And my head is starting to throb.

I don't know where I'm headed. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know who I will be 20 years from now. I don't know who I will turn into. I don't know much. But I do know one thing.

I will always be me.

'Come down now,' they'll say. But everything looks perfect from far away. 'Come down now.' But we'll stay.

Counting Down the Hours

2005-06-01T21:05:00.000-04:00

The first day of June. 15 school days left. 2 quizzes today, 2 tomorrow. 2 finals next week. My end-of-year party is in 17 days. The last day of school is in just over 3 weeks. After tomorrow, it'll be a 4-day weekend. Our English project is due in 2 Wednesdays and my algebra project is due next Wednesday. Our French project is due tomorrow. I am no longer friends with Paige either. Morgan's best friend likes me, but the feeling is not mutual. The end-of-school dance is coming up soon. Our last concert is in 8 days. And the world will end in 24 hours.

Just kidding.

It seems everything is coming to an end. I don't remember ever being this sad about everything ending. Not in 3rd grade, or 6th grade, and DEFINITELY not last year. It seems very strange when I'm in class that none of this will matter anymore in a few weeks. Rewatching the second-to-last Smallville episode where they leave high school, it only made me feel worse. From here on out, everything will change. Just like that. In a New York minute. High school is a whole new ballgame, and all I can hope is that I make it to first base.

Thanks for listening.

This Old House

2005-05-29T11:15:00.000-04:00

So I've been going through my old stuff. And it's strange. I'm getting the feeling of nostalgia again, like when I was writing that short story, which I never finsihed, by the way. I found that book, Love That Dog, which I bout in 5th grade, and it's still just as sad and great as it was the first time I read it. I found the Stratford Landing Directory, too. The one with the school song on the back. The really corny one to the tune of "Grand Old Flag", which I used to be able to sing in 7 seconds.

I tried to find my Autobiography/Time Capsule Project from last year, but my mom says it's in the attic. It's for the better. It's only been a year and I'm going to wait until the last day of my senior year. I also plan to record a tape the day before the first day of my freshman. Speaking of this kind of stuff, a long time ago, November 19, I think, during the big essay thing we had to write in science, I did one of the experiements where I had to to write down EVERYTHING I did that day and then had to recall as much as I could one week later, 4 weeks, 3 months, 6 months and a year later. I set my cell to alert me, and a while ago, the 6 month alert showed up, but I didn't do anything about it. I wanted to see if I could last until November. I hope so. It's tempting, cause I wrote it on my cell, so I can access it anytime I want. But I won't. Just like I won't continue to look for the project. I want to hold out as long as possible. I don't knwo how I last, but I always do. Maybe it's because I become so preoccupied with other things that I don't remember to remember these things. Or maybe I'm just a patient guy. Either way, I can't wait to open that box again, and I can't wait to "graduate" form middle school and actually graduate from high school. But I don't want to leave this house. You would think that after all I've been through here, it would be the easiest thing to do. But this house is now a home; my home. There's a lot here to say goodbye too, and I'm just glad that goodbye won't be anytime soon.

Man, I need to talk about somehting cheerful. Lately, all my posts have been about rememberance, and nostalgia, and goodbyes. This is what you get for being so sentimental. Sigh. Oh well. Hopefully, I'll be blogging more happily and cheerfully, and maybe not about a big topic, and just for fun, after Morgan's party. I can't wait. (seriously, it's just that an exclamation point would be out of place in this post.) Well, it's late and I have to go. Thanks for listening. Seriously.

The Commentators

2005-05-27T17:42:00.000-04:00

It seems like everything's ending so fast. SOL's are over; Busch Gardens is over, which only leaves one concert and an assembly; all the parties and end-of-year celebrations are coming; today is the last Friday before the last month of school. And now there are only 15 days of school left. Everything's just ending too soon. I can't wait for my end-of-year party though. I gotta get the invites ready soon. Oh, and Morgan's party is on Monday, and my mom let me go!!! I'm super-excited cause I haven't been to a party in a long time, though I have had them. The end-of-year party is probably going to be June 18, and I'm gonna invite like everyone. So far, I'm gonna invite: Katie, Morgan, Michael, Spencer, James (though he probably won't come), John, Amanda, Crystal, Kara, Ashleigh, Emily, Jordan, Meredith, Steph, Ryan, Chris, Zach, Ed, Patrick, Mariam, Stephanie, and more. I might invite people like Nadya or Alex or Meghan, but I'm not sure.

Oh, before I leave, I thought I would respond to my feverous comments I've gotten over the past week and a half.

John: Thanks for calling my blog great; that means a lot.
Morgan: Don't go insane! Lol! Also, learn to control your anger a bit. ;)
Morgan: I wasn't at a party, I was in the cafeteria at school while the Math 8 people took their SOL. And your brithday will NOT be crap! I will personally make it my goal to see to it that your birthday is not crap.
Leighton: Thanks for reading my posts and it's strange that you keep up on my posts, even though we're not friends anymore. (I talk to people I'm not friends with normally, like Abbey and Matt and Suhmeda; I don't ignore them, so sorry if me talking normally to you seems strange) I think you misunderstood why I didn't wanT to be your friend anymore. It wasn't because I just decided, "OK, I'm bored. Why not destroy one of my best friendships? Genius!" As much as you might not belive me, you're not the person I met in 6th grade anymore. No one is, but you've changed in a bad way. Maybe you might not see it, and maybe a lot of people don't see it, but I see it. I'm not shunning you, either. I just can't be friends with you anymore. Try to understand.
Morgan: We're not fighting. I hope. This isn't a trial or a tribulation. It's just something that happened. And I'm not in control of your life. Me not being friends with you may have been a blessing in disguise, but I hope that you can forgive me. Yes, you were annoying, but I should've stayed friends with you. Maybe not. I don't know. But the past is the past. Let the dead bury the dead.
Meredith: Nothing major happened. No big fight or argument. No blowout. It just happened.
Leighton: Believe me, I thought we were cool, too. But as much as I try to hide the bad in my life from myself, I couldn't hide what you were turning into. You say you're friends with Matt sometimes, but for me, I can't live that way, being friends with someone when they aren't annoying only. If someone bothers me, I'm not going to force myself to put up with them, so I can have them as friend half the time. That's way I stopped being friends with Diana and Matt. I almost lost Morgan and Patrick this way, too. But I didn't. I don't ignore you. I just don't want to say anything that mgith end up in a blowout, making things worse.
Morgan: I'm not mad at Leighton. I can't blame someone for being the way they are. This is just somehting that happened. And this isn't a soap opera. I'm not buff. Or have a tan. Or dating 3 women while cheating on my wife and having drowned her ex-husband while my evil twin brother lies in a coma.
Emily: OH YEAH!! 1-800-SEXY!!!
Morgan: We called you remember? We had fun anyways! And we text-messaged! Naughty, naughty!
John: Roman Rapids is like AWESOME!!! Though it can't beat the Popeye rapid ride at Universal Studios Islands of Adventure!
Morgan: Yes. I love art and how you can express yourself.

OK. I hope this can clear up any issues that have gone on. Thanks to everyone who's made my blog possible, like Google and all my readers, who have made my counter go past 3,333 hits! Thanks! Keep on reading! Keep on commenting! Don't be afraid to say what you want on my blog as comments! That's what we're hear for. To speak. To talk. To express ourselves. Thanks for listening.

Golden Dawn

2005-05-26T19:33:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading Tangerine. And I've used 5 tissues and cried 3 times. It was so frustrating seeing Paul and how I couldn't help him, mainly becuase he's not real. But I sort of felt a connection with him. There's so much stuff I'm scared to tell people, but I never can. And just like his parents, mine don't see anything either. And they never will. As much good that happens in my life, it's always offset by bad. But when you don't tell anyone about the bad, all people see is the good. The bad is nullified, just like all the Lake Windsor High football records. I felt that hatred, that I've felt so many times, toward Erik, a fictional character in a book. Maybe Erik stands for someone else in my life. I don't know. I just don't know.

I'm surprised how good the book was. I wish I had read it before. I sat down an hour ago and read about 150 pages in one sitting. It was really good. It's just one of those books like and Blind-Sighted, which just really hit me hard with the emotions. I think that's why I want to be a writer. So I can share those emotions that everyone feels with them. Reading what you can't say out loud is a strange feeling. You realize that you can't reveal them, but by the end, you feel better. You feel refreshed. As if you'd just eaten a nice, crisp, seedless, juicy, perfect tangerine.

I wish I could say what I want. We have this so-called "freedom of speech", but I can't bring myself to use it. I don't know if freedom of speech is a blessing or a curse. Only when I'm here can I say what I want. Without worrying how I'll be judged. How people will think of me. Who will yell at me for saying what I want to say. Who will despise me after they read that I don't want to be friends with them anymore because they've turned into a different person. This stupid world of popularity status and who we're seen with taints the innocence we habe when we're younger. When we don't know anything about the world, and our curiosity about everything is in its prime. But we're silenced. We stop being amazed by the greatness of everything. How an elephant moves. How sharp a knife is. How well a house is built. How a butterfly flaps its wings. It bores us. And we move on. We take it for granted. And we move on. We forget how it first enchanted us. And we move on.

Best Trip Ever

2005-05-21T13:54:00.000-04:00

The trip of a lifetime. My last music trip ever. The time of our lives. Was it?

Yes.

OK, I had the most besterest time EVER yesterday. EVER. It was freaking awesome with a CAPITAL A-W-E-S-O-M-E. EvErything WAS grEAt!!! I WEnt On a tOn Of ridES and it was just AWESOME. We went on Roman Rapids 3 times in a row and got soaked and I like was screaming in Curse of DarKastle and I stuffed 2 funnel cakes down my throat in ten minutes and I had fun with Emily and Zach and Ryan and Jordan and Michelle and Jessica and Morgan and I took some pictures and I got a ton of inside jokes which are in my AIM profile and I had awesome fun and so much awesomeness!!!! I had the best time EVER!!! Just thought you'd like to know.

And I Feel Fine

2005-05-19T21:51:00.000-04:00

My world is Fallign apartt. Eveyrthings' goign so Wrong. lEIGHTON ogt mad at me. I foudnd out Morgan changed herslef for me, the last thign I wnated, adfetr how i treated her. my englsih grade is zoomign AWAY. iM becoming meaner TO some poeple. people r haiting me evenmore. i cant stop being sadd. i never WANTEDE to lose my frieinds. i jsut Expected to it to ahpen, AFter how I RTAETED some peopl,e I SHOULD hav expected it. EVYTHINGs going wrong

Breakaway

2005-05-18T10:57:00.000-04:00

So I'm in the school cafeteria, and I've been here for the past 2 and a half hours with about 200 other people doing nothing.

I don't want to be friends with Leighton anymore. We've kinda been moving apart, but now I've realized that he's not the kind of person I want to know. He's just like everyone else, putting on different masks for different people. When will this stupid school facade end? I stopped doing that a long time ago. And I know he'll read this and post a comment and probably make a good point I overlooked, but I don't care. He's just another friend who wasn't. And so begins the slow and painful loss of friends. As long as I tried to evade the inevitable, it's here. And it's happening. First Abbey, then Suhmeda. And now this.

This cafeteria lock-in hasn't been all bad. Some N*sync fans and I sung their songs. I died of laughter. I'm growing closer to Stephanie, more than I thought I would, even though it won't go past friends. I met one of Liz' friends, and though being super-preppy and a friend of Liz's, she was OK. So today so far was OK.

I really want to get out of here, even though I don't want to go back to class. I feel so exhausted. Not just today, but every day. As much as I think I'm going to miss the last 2 years, I want it to be OVER. I'm sick and tired of these stupid insignificant issues we deal with everyday. What should I wear? What's I got on my test? Who's dating who? I just want it to be over. I have top break away from the torture of everything in out lives. I just need to get away from everything. But, sadly, I can't. Thanks for listening.

Laid Forward

2005-05-14T22:01:00.000-04:00

My friends are smart. And right. I shouldn't be asking questions, but instead finding answers. I will find answers. Like I say, life is what you make of it. So I'm going to make my life the best it can be. :)

So today was super boring. I woke up at 4, went to sleep woke up at 8, ate, watch tv for a half-hour, then went back upstairs and listened to music for an hour, then woke up, then returned to bed at 11 and slept til 1. Then I swept the leaves outside for like 35 minutes until I realized I'd been sweeping the same spot the entire time. Then I ate cake. So then I watched TV, surfed the web, ate dinner, had a short voice-chat with Leighton, and then watched TV again. Then I watched TV with my mom and then my dad came home and then I came up here and started writing this post. B. O. R. I. N. G. But I'm not so bored anymore. So I just thought I'd tell you what I did today. :) Thanks for listening.

P.S. I have serious issues. For the past 15 minutes, I've been trying to come up with a title for this post. For some reason, every post title has to perfectly fit the post. Aargh. I still don't know what

A Movie Script Ending

2005-05-13T22:18:00.000-04:00

Isn't it strange when you're hyper and tired? Happy and bored? Excited and exhausted? It's weird. Well, that's how I fee right now. I'm really hyper but I can't stop yawning.

Today is Friday the 13th. And my blog's 5-month anniversary.

What will happen to us? Our friendships, I mean. Ashleigh and me. Morgan and me. Leighton and me. Michael and me. All these people I will only see during parties or randomly bumping into them in stores, which I hate anyways, no matter who it is. I feel so vulnerable there. Anyways, what does gonna happen? I don't know, but I feel myself getting closer and moving farther away from different people. I mean, I'm friends with so many people, but some are pushing themselves, or I'm pushing them, away, and some are getting closer than I ever thought. I thought Morgan was really annoying before and now she's one of best friends. I barely knew John Butchko 2 months ago, and now I hang out with him all the time. I used to be really good friends with James and Michael, and now I only see them at their lockers or on the bus or the occasional sentence in class. What happened to us? Not just me. Everyone. Everyone's changed so drastically since I first met them. Do I even know them anymore? I don't know. And I have noticed something HORRIBLE that kills me. Remember Tom? I didn't think so. Tom Minogue was one of best friends 4 months ago. In the past month, I've seen him 3 times. He's switched to a different gym period, and he took our friendship with it. I'm not saying it's his fault. I mean, like, we just never saw each other except in the halls once every blue moon, so we never hung out, and we pretty much barely know each other anymore. It's sad, because I still go to the same school as him, yet I never see him. Now I'm going to a completely different school many miles away with different schedules and maybe I will lose these people too. I know I said the opposite in an earlier post, but even though I won't forget you, maybe I will lose you. I'm starting to realize why Diana was so skeptical of going, and still is. It's too late for me, and even if it wasn't, I'm not so sure I'd want to not go. I guess I just don't know. How different my life would be if I hadn't gotten in. Just how I wonder what would've happened if I'd taken the bus on Mary Baldwin instead of Dartmouth. What would've happened if I'd moved to Virginia a month later. A month earlier. What if, what if, what if. I hate those words so much. Why can't I stop wondering what if, and just move on? Because I like the past. I like reflecting on the past and learning from my mistakes.

I was talking to people about how much I'm going to miss middle school. In just 2 years, I did so much, met so many people, and had so many experiences. I may not be missing the school or the teachers, but the experiences that occurred while I went here are going to be missed. Even the bad ones that made me stronger and the great ones that made me better. In two years, I had 3 girlfriends, completely changed my outlook on life, lost my closest friend, broke down and cried, wrote so much, went through two cell phones, made tons of friends, had 6 parties, read so many books, got into so many bands after liking only 2, and learned so much about everything. And now that we're splitting up, I feel like it's senior year and we're all leaving to go to different colleges. It makes me feel sad. Really sad. Where are we going? What are we going to do? Who will we meet? What will life teach us? Will we have a happy ending?

What will happen to us?

Bed of Inspiration

2005-05-13T20:52:00.000-04:00

Music
I love music. It can get you up and alive with just one note.
It plays / I
in the / get
back / up
ground / and
with / dance
a / like
tune / I’ve
all / never
its / danced
own. / before.
the / Like
rhythm / a
and / wild
the / jungle
beat / animal
of my heart / I flail my
make their music / arms every where.
together in harmony / My pulse races fast
as one voice singing the / as I rejoice in the beauty
same soulful song. It / of the wonderful music
fills me with love and / I am surrounded by.
my heart plays the / I smile because
piano of joy / I am with my
softly. / music.

Medley
There once was a man from Peru,
And everything was blue to him.
He left his house and encountered
Two roads that diverged in a yellow wood.
He couldn’t make up his mind, so he ran
On little cat feet.
He bumped into a man that was selling
Sunshine on a cloudy day.
He replied that he didn’t like it in a box or with a fox or in the rain or on a train.
So the man from Peru asked him,
“Do you know the Muffin Man?”
Because that is the question.
The man answered,
“Elementary, my dear Watson.
It is the beating of his hideous heart!”
This made no sense, so he left and met his ex-wife, who was sobbing.
“Don’t cry for me, Argentina,” he said,
“Even though it is the best and worst of times.”
And they lived happily ever after.

Wickedly Strange
Should I rhyme this strange poem?
Should I give it a name?
Should I make it dramatic,
or comically lame?
How many stanzas
Should my limerick have?
But limericks don't have stanzas!

I know that last line
Didn't rhyme.

And neither did that one.
I'm sure of that.
MAYbe my poem should've been short,
like the one 'bout the fat cat.
Maybe this poem is dumb,
and maybe I'm a bum.
But I write poetry for fun,
even under the sun.

OK, that made no sense whatsoever.

What? So? Ever! I said,
and I'll say it again!
Whatsoever's a word,
and it's my new best friend.
Can you believe I have
A dictionary of rhymes?
Man, do I like
wasting my time.

So I must end this
wickedly strange poem somehow,
But how? How?
I must end it now!
So I'm too lazy to work
and I don't feel like trying.
So how about I end it,
by saying Goodbye... ing.

A Box of Chocolates

2005-05-12T18:14:00.000-04:00

The Dandelion
flower laying there
quiet and vulnerable
hopeful for life
all I can do is wonder
will it be there tomorrow?

LIFE
Love, so hard to find
‘If’ comes up so many times
Falling down and making mistakes
Ending quicker than I can take

Go
The traffic light
Changes red to green
Up above the streets
All day.
And for what? So people can leave it behind.

Music
I
love
music.
It
can
get
you
up
and
alive
with
just
one
note.
It plays the
background with
a tune all their own.
The rhythm and beat
of my soul and of my
heart. I dance and I
rejoice because I
am with my
music.

Joy
I saw joy clearly.
She was bubbly and carefree.
Her feet bounced as she spun around in circles.
I saw her blue eyes, her brown hair, and her carefully placed freckles
And heard her giggle and laugh and chuckle and guffaw
And I felt like I was on top of the world.

Bloom
Once I was
A tiny seed,
Sitting there, lonely,
Waiting to be watered,
To be cared about.
Now I am
A tall oak tree
High above the ground,
Shining majestically,
Proud to be who I am
Today.

Cloud Nine
Wind moves through the land.
The breeze sweeps away your worries.
Snow brings a clean slate.
The clouds cry tears of joy.
Rain, make the flowers grow.
Thunder, cover up the bad noise.
The drizzle touches everyone softly.
The earthquake shakes the streets.
Frost softens my day.
Mist, reveal your secrets.
Fog, hold me tightly and never let go.

Canned Heat

2005-05-11T21:03:00.000-04:00

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. How can I describe the last 6 days? Confusing? Strange? Annoying? Weird? Happy? Great? Cheerful? Depressing? Sad? I don't know. Let me start from the beginning.

Friday, May 6, 2005: The Birthday
I leave from home with a happy face, and a fresh start to what today will bring. I was anxious for whatever would happen with this day. Remember my obsession with 14? I really thought something was going to happen. So I head to the bus stop, and people say happy birthday after I tell them. I'm on the bus, and it's pretty normal. So I'm off to algebra, hyper as usual, and my incessant talking gets to Ms. Das, and I'm forbidden to talk for the entire class period. So I sit there in silence, thinking that civics will be better, because I'll get a lollipop and a song. So I release in civics quietly, and I smile shyly as people sing and I get my lollipop. I'm cheered up as I create my business, Cafe Livre. So then I land in chorus to a sub and a video. Yay! No singing! I hang with Emily and the gang and they re-sing me happy birthday as I eat my lollipop, and boom, Mr. Berts makes me throw it away. Me being the good student I am, I throw it away, a bit saddened. But my friends cheer me up until I go to gym, where Spencer makes to stupid mistake of yelling Happy Birthday, Kevin! Of course, then, everyone comes up to punch me, and Javier gives me 15 extremely had punches which hurt like hell, but, me, being the good pain-hider, keep a straight face the entire time. Of course, this only depresses me more, and I feel horrible at the moment. And then I get even more depressed as I remember my sadness the day I was disappointed with humanity. So I go out, really sad, and I do my warm-up, and as I'm stretching, I see Emily. She cheers me up enough to get me through the period, and my depression leaves. I feel cheerful, and the fact that something great will happen when I turn 14 keeps me hopeful that maybe the day won't be so bad. So then I'm off to French, where I have a normal day, and a fun lunch, and I think that I'll be OK. Science is normal as well, and I start to wonder if anything will happen today. English is easy, as usual, and I head to the bus, where I'm again bombarded by a another happy birthday song. I'm happy again. So I'm home, and I relax. I get Patrick and Emily and Jordan to come over, and we have a bunch of fun for a couple of hours, and then they leave, and I feel refreshed. Time to not do my homework. I stay in my room until my mom gets home and we go to Home Depot, where I turn 14 at 8 PM. I miss the exact second because my mom's dad calls right at 7:58, and I think to myself, today was a bad birthday. And I begin to think, maybe that’s the big secret of 14. That it's unlucky rather than lucky. I shake the thought from my mind, and instead I go home and chat with Leighton until 11. I feel really sad, because my parents couldn't buy my birthday gift for me because my dad had to go to work. And I get mad and there's shouting, but I think, it's just a gift. I can wait until tomorrow. So I wait, and I sleep, hoping that tomorrow's party will go better than today.

Saturday, May 7: The Party
I wake up late to a nice breakfast and a little TV time and then the mania starts. We rush out everywhere, searching for everything for the party. We yell, of course, because what would setting up a party be without a bit of arguing with my mom? So we set up and now it's time for the getting of the cake. So we speed to Safeway a small 30 minutes before party time, and we arrive to find the ugliest cake in the history of the world. But I of course keep a happy face and we decide to decorate it more when we get home. On the way, I can only think that this day will be a disaster as well. We arrive with time to spare, and the cake turns out great! I'm inspired to be happy, and I'm beginning to believe in this party. So the guests arrive one by one, and by the time the last person has cancelled on me, I've got many of my greatest friends with me. So we have fun and we hang out and we talk and instead of being boring, we have a great time, with no "preppy games" as Leighton put it so eloquently. No Spin the Bottle, no Truth or Dare, just a bunch of teenagers hanging out and having fun. The day gets late, and Morgan and I continue to flirt, even though we both know it won't happen. I reflect on our lives, and how happy we are. Will we be happy like this when we're older? Will we be happy? These questions drift through my mind as I deeply think about life. But then we go inside to watch Broken Lizard's Club Dread. :D So we end the party with a lot of fun and a garrulous Ed, a quiet Ryan, an outgoing Spencer, a fun Carly, a flirtatious Morgan, a kind Amanda, an independent Steph, a calm Michael, an accident-prone Patrick, a happy Jon, a cool Leighton, an excited Kara, a collected Paige, and me, the guy who couldn't ask for more. I went to bed $35 richer, with $75 of iTunes music gift cards, plus $40 of Borders and $40 of Blockbuster. But the happiness I had was priceless.

Sunday, May 8: The Mom
Mother's Day. A holiday where husbands and sons rush out Saturday night to buy $3,000 worth of cards and choclate and flowers. But not me. I got my mom a hug. And a day dedicated just to her. I did everything she wanted and we had fun. We watched about 4 hours of TV, and the only thing we didn't do that she wanted to do is watch Elephant, but I thought it was a perverted teen movie that would be awkward watching with my mom, so we watched a documentary on the universe instead. But I got really sleepy, and so I went to sleep for a half-hour. I made the FATAL mistake of asking my mom when we were going to get my birthday gift, and sadly, she got pissed off. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. I think that's the saying. Anyways, I left and did my homework, rished, of course, and we were about to buy the computer, but my dad kept discouraging me, and my mom got mad a
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. How can I describe the last 6 days? Confusing? Strange? Annoying? Weird? Happy? Great? Cheerful? Depressing? Sad? I don't know. Let me start from the beginning.
Friday, May 6, 2005: The Birthday I leave from home with a happy face, and a fresh start to what today will bring. I was anxious for whatever would happen with this day. Remember my obsession with 14? I really thought something was going to happen. So I head to the bus stop, and people say happy birthday after I tell them. I'm on the bus, and it's pretty normal. So I'm off to algebra, hyper as usual, and my incessant talking gets to Ms. Das, and I'm forbidden to talk for the entire class period. So I sit there in silence, thinking that civics will be better, because I'll get a lollipop and a song. So I release in civics quietly, and I smile shyly as people sing and I get my lollipop. I'm cheered up as I create my business, Cafe Livre. So then I land in chorus to a sub and a video. Yay! No singing! I hang with Emily and the gang and they re-sing me happy birthday as I eat my lollipop, and boom, Mr. Berts makes me throw it away. Me being the good student I am, I throw it away, a bit saddened. But my friends cheer me up until I go to gym, where Spencer makes to stupid mistake of yelling Happy Birthday, Kevin! Of course, then, everyone comes up to punch me, and Javier gives me 15 extremely had punches which hurt like hell, but, me, being the good pain-hider, keep a straight face the entire time. Of course, this only depresses me more, and I feel horrible at the moment. And then I get even more depressed as I remember my sadness the day I was disappointed with humanity. So I go out, really sad, and I do my warm-up, and as I'm stretching, I see Emily. She cheers me up enough to get me through the period, and my depression leaves. I feel cheerful, and the fact that something great will happen when I turn 14 keeps me hopeful that maybe the day won't be so bad. So then I'm off to French, where I have a normal day, and a fun lunch, and I think that I'll be OK. Science is normal as well, and I start to wonder if anything will happen today. English is easy, as usual, and I head to the bus, where I'm again bombarded by a another happy birthday song. I'm happy again. So I'm home, and I relax. I get Patrick and Emily and Jordan to come over, and we have a bunch of fun for a couple of hours, and then they leave, and I feel refreshed. Time to not do my homework. I stay in my room until my mom gets home and we go to Home Depot, where I turn 14 at 8 PM. I miss the exact second because my mom's dad calls right at 7:58, and I think to myself, today was a bad birthday. And I begin to think, maybe that’s the big secret of 14. That it's unlucky rather than lucky. I shake the thought from my mind, and instead I go home and chat with Leighton until 11. I feel really sad, because my parents couldn't buy my birthday gift for me because my dad had to go to work. And I get mad and there's shouting, but I think, it's just a gift. I can wait until tomorrow. So I wait, and I sleep, hoping that tomorrow's party will go better than today.

Saturday, May 7: The Party I wake up late to a nice breakfast and a little TV time and then the mania starts. We rush out everywhere, searching for everything for the party. We yell, of course, because what would setting up a party be without a bit of arguing with my mom? So we set up and now it's time for the getting of the cake. So we speed to Safeway a small 30 minutes before party time, and we arrive to find the ugliest cake in the history of the world. But I of course keep a happy face and we decide to decorate it more when we get home. On the way, I can only think that this day will be a disaster as well. We arrive with time to spare, and the cake turns out great! I'm inspired to be happy, and I'm beginning to believe in this party. So the guests arrive one by one, and by the time the last person has cancelled on me, I've got many of my greatest friends with me. So we have fun and we hang out and we talk and instead of being boring, we have a great time, with no "preppy games" as Leighton put it so eloquently. No Spin the Bottle, no Truth or Dare, just a bunch of teenagers hanging out and having fun. The day gets late, and Morgan and I continue to flirt, even though we both know it won't happen. I reflect on our lives, and how happy we are. Will we be happy like this when we're older? Will we be happy? These questions drift through my mind as I deeply think about life. But then we go inside to watch Broken Lizard's Club Dread. :D So we end the party with a lot of fun and a garrulous Ed, a quiet Ryan, an outgoing Spencer, a fun Carly, a flirtatious Morgan, a kind Amanda, an independent Steph, a calm Michael, an accident-prone Patrick, a happy Jon, a cool Leighton, an excited Kara, a collected Paige, and me, the guy who couldn't ask for more. I went to bed $35 richer, with $75 of iTunes music gift cards, plus $40 of Borders and $40 of Blockbuster. But the happiness I had was priceless.

Sunday, May 8: The Mom
Mother's Day. A holiday where husbands and sons rush out Saturday night to buy $3,000 worth of cards and chocolate and flowers. But not me. I got my mom a hug. And a day dedicated just to her. I did everything she wanted and we had fun. We watched about 4 hours of TV, and the only thing we didn't do that she wanted to do is watch Elephant, but I thought it was a perverted teen movie that would be awkward watching with my mom, so we watched a documentary on the universe instead. But I got really sleepy, and so I went to sleep for a half-hour. I made the FATAL mistake of asking my mom when we were going to get my birthday gift, and sadly, she got pissed off. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. I think that's the saying. Anyways, I left and did my homework, rished, of course, and we were about to buy the computer, but my dad kept discouraging me, and my mom got mad at my dad, and so we just decided to see the computers at the Apple Store on Monday before deciding. I was OK, with that, but it meant another day of waiting. So I went to sleep with the hope that tomorrow would be even better.t my dad, and so we just decided to see the computers at the Apple Store on Monday before deciding. I was OK, with that, but it meant another day of waiting. So I went to sleep with the hope that tomorrow would be even better.

Monday, May 9: The Argument
Normal day at school. But it was after school that was horrible. We went to Tyson's Corner to go to the Apple Store, and all we did was bicker, bicker, bicker. My dad didn;t want to buy ANYTHING, my mom wanted to buy the most expensive computer available, and by the time I was so annoyed, I told them I didn't want anything. I was on the verge of tears, but not because I wasn't getting a computer, but because everything makes everyone mad. It makes me so angry. See? Everything makes everyone mad. AAAARGH! And so I was not getting anything. But I was perfectly fine with that as long as everyone stopped arguing. Sigh. And so there goes another day of stupidity, wastefullness, angriness, and sheer failure. Let's see what tomorrow brings, shall we?

Tuesday, May 10: The Mousinator
OK, remember that little project I spent 5 hours doing so it would go 1.09 meters in its first run? Yeah, that really didn't work the 3 times I tried it on Tuesday. Crap. If I didn't get it to run, the best I could hope for was a 90!!! And to my dismay, I'm getting a B+ in science and a B in English! AAAARGH! I am so annoyed that I'm not pushing myself harder. I really want to get a full year of straight A's! No, not because of my parents, or anyone else, but because it's great to see how hard you've worked and pushed yourself and gievn up stuff to accomplsih a goal to do soemthing you really want. I went to sleep with not only these thoughts in my head, but also a new favorite song, Lonely Day by Phantom Planet, and a sentimental, best-ever, great, terrific, awesome, they-deserved-it, cheer in my head for Uchenna and Joyce, the winners of this season's Amazing Race.

Wednesday, May 11: The Today
So today, my car finally ran. 1.10 meters. 1 CENTIMETER more than it had to. I almsot died of shock. But now it's over with. My jaw is healing from the hit by Derke with a softball. I sang Lonely Day all day. I felt great today, and I got to spend time with Emily, Patrick, and some girl named Sarah at my house, when I invited them over, only to find that the Sarah was Sarah Dekay, the girl people said liked me when I didn't know who she was. But we had fun, and I had a good day. OK, I have to go before my fingers fall off! Thanks for listening! Cya later!

Happy Days

2005-05-05T15:25:00.000-04:00

My birthday is tomorrow. I had fun on the bus ride home. Four of my greatest friends are coming to my house tomorrow and 15 are coming on Saturday. I did great on the French PALS test. I just got my 3rd All A Honor Roll certificate. I'm getting a new computer in a day.

So why am I not as thrilled as I should be?

I really have no idea. I should be really hyper and excited about everything, but strangely, I'm not. I wish I was super-excited and happy. Well, maybe I'll cheer up with a song. OK, I put on my "Hip and Hop" playlist. OMG! I was just hoping that You and I Both would come on cause that made me happy last time, and IT CAME ON. Wow. Over numbers, unencumbered, words!!!

Wooohooo! I feel so ALIVE! OK, i have to go! I'm glad I posted!!! CYa! and thanks For LIsteninG!

Six

2005-04-29T21:44:00.000-04:00

I can remember perfectly the day he left, down to every single detail. It was a day that would stay with me for the rest of my life. I was heading to school when I heard the explosion. In the split second it took me to react to the boom heard over a distance, I knew what had happened. It was over. I remember every step I sprinted across to get home. Every crack I stepped on, every person I ran into, every piece of paper that flew out of my hands as I ran. I remember each tear slowly falling down my face as I wondered if I would ever see him again. I remember the gusts of wind sharply cutting my face as I darted through the labyrinth of streets that was my neighborhood. I remember standing in front of what remained of my house and staring at the cloud of smoke that was over the place I had grown up in. I remember how people watched me as I fell to my knees and knelt there, weeping. I remember yelling the question that's come up so many times in my life. The only thing I don't remember from that day is how I got to where I went afterward. I found myself in the library, with Jeremy, Dylan, and Jane, where we'd spent so many good times together. Those days were gone now. But I do remember what happened next, and maybe it's what I'll always remember from that day, more than the running, or the explosion or anything else. I slowly stood on shaking legs, like a newborn deer. I felt everyone else stand up as well. We saw him, just a few yards away from me. He stood there, silently. People were all around us, but we couldn't feel anyone but ourselves and him. He stared at us deeply, with the look that you couldn't break away from. We all stood there in silence for seconds that seemed like hours. He mouthed goodbye, and he turned around. And just like that, he was gone.

Five and Three Quarters

2005-04-29T16:11:00.000-04:00

OK, I'm really sorry there still isn't another part of my story up, but I really wanted to talk about what's been going on.
As you don't know, I have started reading thelazyphilosopher.com cause I'm cool like that. It's a blog mad ebb some guy named Hunter who lives in Virginia and is a junior. He IS Leighton. He is in Boy Scouts, on the swim team, likes to blow things up, is a Republican, hates smart people, and a bunch of other similarities. It's a pretty funny blog. Check it out.

I also got straight A's again! I'm really happy, except that I started out civics this quarter with a C+ on my project. Aargh!

I am getting my Mac Mini soon!!! Yay!!! And Max OS X Tiger came out today!!! yay!!! And in 14 days, it'll be Friday the 13th!!! Yay!!! And my birthday is in only 7 days!!!! Yay!!!! So excited!!! Except that now that neither Crystal, nor Meredith can come, I still have to find another girl or wait for a guy to drop out. But I can't think of anyone else! And I still haven't finished writing our script for the French movie. So I'll do that soon. I hope.

OK, Morgan thinks Ashleigh likes me, Ashleigh thinks Morgan likes me, Ashleigh thinks Stephanie likes me, Stephanie thinks Ashleigh likes me, Leighton thinks EVERYONE likes me, Emily thinks Michelle likes me, and SO ON AND SO ON!!! And the worst part is that I can't even go out with any of them even if they did like me!!! Darn you, commitment-to-pacts-I-make-with-people-who-break-them-quickly!!!

I am back on top in algebra!!! I am getting A's on everything, finishing fast, even faster than ALEX TRIPLETT, and I have been getting everything! Yay!!! Pour moi!!! :D

And I have now blocked Suhmeda out of my life. He crossed the line for me. He put ketchup in my grapes and threw tomatoes at Ryan. It was the last straw. He's been mean to all my friends, even though he thinks it's a joke. He punches me even when I tell him it isn't funny and that I want him to stop. He's turned into the person who I imagine destroying in some way or another, like Ms. Armitage. So our table shunned him away, with the help of John, who has encountered the same thing with Matt, Morgan, who sits there anyways, and Sharifa, who hates AJ because he likes her. So he has gone to sit somewhere else, and we have moved on with our lives.

OK, the talent show SUCKED ASS. Except for Chanel, Arianna, and Brittany and her partner, EVERYONE SUCKED. One person lip-syncced the entire song. Two sevvies sang SO off-key. The Latina Dancers looked DEAD. And Sam and his "band" would've been better had they played an ACTUAL SONG. And something that really bothered me was how people laughed at Arianna because she sung an opera song. Right song for the type of crowd? No. Amazing voice? Yes. If Arianna hadn't been white, AND I AM NOT BEING RACIST, just realistic, NO one would've been so rude. It bothered me SO much. I hate racism, and how after so many years of so many advancements, it's the one thing people can't let go of. Even if I didn't realize it then, I used to be racist. There was a group of black high-schoolers that looked "bad", and so I'd always wait for them to pass before heading out to the bus stop. And at school, all the people who looked "bad" I would ignore and think about them differently than I would other people. But then I realized that these people are just the same as me or someone else. We all want the same things: to have friends, to enjoy ourselves, to live a good life, even if some people make the wrong decisions. I know it sounds cliche, but no matter what we look like, we are still the same inside. Thanks for listening.

Five and a Half

2005-04-27T21:54:00.000-04:00

OK, I could not go another day without at least posting something that resembled a post. I've been really busy, working on my moustrap car project, registering for TJ, and doing the load that is my homework. Two ngihts ago, I did homework for 2 hours and 45 minutes straight with no breaks. Considering I had to redo an entire project, I guess it's acceptable.

OK, you will not believe who cntacted me 3 days ago. You will never believe it. I barely believed it myself. Two words: first word, Liz; second word, Nowak. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I almsot died of shock. SHE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS AGAIN. OK, has she not learned anything about the last year and a half? God, I feel like Clark with Lana in Smallville, except that Clark doesn't hate Lana's guts, and Lana isn't a stupid, prissy bitch. Well, actually... no, just kidding. Well, I doubt life will imitate TV, cause Lana and Clark are together AGAIN. AAargh! Whenw ill these people learned. I sure learned my lesson a long time ago. I told Liz to SATY OUT OF MY LIFE and to LEAVE ME ALONE. And then I blocked her. Ironically, she inspired me to write a short story, which I'll post after I'm done with my current one.

OK, I gotta go, cause my mom's telling me to go to sleep. Thanks for lisetning!

Five

2005-04-23T22:11:00.000-04:00

It had only taken one date for them, and they knew. It wasn’t hard to spot the true love in their eyes. Though they tried not to show it at school, the glances and smiles at each other was all it took to see the love they shared. They flirted shamelessly when they thought we weren’t looking, and Ms. Stevens, who had been a lonely, strict woman who rarely smiled, couldn’t stop laughing or giggling or grinning ear to ear when she was around him. It was only a matter of time until they got married, and only a year later, he proposed on their one-year anniversary. The ceremony was small, with no one but me and the group invited. But however tiny the ceremony, their love was too grand for words. Ms. Stevens had been jerked away from her monotonous lifestyle, and thrown into a world of chaos. But no matter how chaotic their world together was, she was always happy around him. And her love only grew for him when he told her our secret. They were the perfect couple. Which only made it harder to cope with when he left.
_________________________________
“Hello?”
“Yes, come in, dear. I’ve been expecting you.”
I walked into a small room with 20 chairs arranged in a circle. Atlases and pictures of historical figures, such as Napoleon and Ho Chi Minh covered the walls. A weary, aging woman sat behind a desk, not looking up from her scattered papers.
“Ms. Stevens?”
“It’s Mrs. Ganner now, darling. Please, take a seat.”
I dragged a chair from the circle and sat down in front of Ms. Ste--, err, I mean, Mrs. Ganner. She looked up at me and squinted. Her face was badly wrinkled, and her eyeglasses rested at the tip of her nose. Hey eyes were red, and I could’ve sworn she’d been crying.
“So you heard the news as well?”
“Yes. I flew in as soon as I could.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have.”
“Why not? You’re not the only one who cared about him.”
She looked at me hard, taken aback.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. It’s just it’s been rough.”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“So…”
“If you think I’m going to tell you who killed him, you’re mistaken.”
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“Well, for one thing, honey, the police don’t know who it was yet. It was an unregistered gun, and no prints were left behind. And second, even if I did know and told you, what would you do?”
“I don’t know. Go talk to him or something.”
“Oh, dear. You know how that conversation would end.”
I did. The entire plane ride, I had thought about what I would do to the one who was responsible for his death.
“His funeral is in a couple of days. Why don’t you stay in town a couple of days? There’s a nice hotel about a mile down the road.”
“That sounds great.”
I got up to leave, but I stood with my back turned to her for a second.
“Mrs. Ganner?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you. For everything. For everything you gave us.”
“Oh, honey. It’s not me you should be thanking. Thank him.”
I turned around and broke down. I cried for the first time in years.
“Come here, dear,” she called.
I put my head on her shoulder and sat there, sobbing.
“Tell me it’s all right,” I cried.
But I knew the truth. Nothing would ever be all right again.

Four

2005-04-23T15:51:00.000-04:00

I wandered down the hall to room 14, where the woman had instructed me to go. The hallway was deadly quiet, giving off a sense of loneliness. As I passed each door, I wondered if these kids would remember what they were doing. If 10 years from now, they would remember what at the moment seemed like the most important thing in their lives. The more you mature, the more you realize that it wasn’t that important. It really didn’t matter who you sat with at lunch that Wednesday or what you got on an English quiz or what you were wearing on April 12th. How popular you were, or weren’t, doesn’t matter anymore. After so many years, you realize that these nitpicky things you’re constantly worrying about don’t amount to anything anymore. You move on, and become a “successful” adult in the “real” world. High school was just a short, insignificant game you played in the tournament of life. A game in which everyone lost. All the yearning I’d had for these times should have faded away by now, but there would always be the person who made it all better. And now, he was no longer there either.

Three

2005-04-22T19:37:00.000-04:00

“Excuse me? Excuse me! Sir?”
Someone tapped me on the shoulder, jerking me out of my trance.
“Sir, do you need some help?”
“Oh, yes, thank you. I, err, came to, um, see Ms. Stevens. I was a student of his a while back.”
“Ms. Stevens? I’m sorry, but I don’t believe we have anyone by that name here at the school.”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
“Are you sure? I’m positive she still worked here.”
“Well, maybe you’ve forgotten the name. What does she teach?”
“World History. At least, when I was here.”
Her eyes widened in a eureka-like fashion.
“Oh! Mrs. Ganner! She changed her name a few years back when she got married. I’ll see if she’s in right away, sir.”
I was very surprised at the fact she’s gotten married, but I hid my shock from the woman.
“Thank you.”
I had known she was wrong from the beginning. There was no way Ms. Stevens, or Mrs. Ganner, as she now called herself, would have left the school. At least, not after… him.
_________________________________________________
It was March 12th, 1992. Ms. Stevens was standing outside with me and the others, waiting for my "dad". A shiny black car pulled up to the front of the school, and I burst out the door. Ms. Stevens walked up to him and introduced herself. I could see the instant connection in their eyes. Of course, Ms. Stevens, being the martinet she was, hid her obvious attraction to him by getting down to business. She said that she had kept us company while we waited, and that we were fine. He wanted to converse more, but Ms. Stevens insisted she had to go. He obviously noticed us eavesdropping, because he told us to get in the car. We piled in, but as we closed the door, we managed to hear him ask Ms. Stevens if she wanted to have dinner sometime. We never knew whether she accepted or not, but whatever she said, Ms. Stevens’ life would never be the same.

Two

2005-04-22T07:32:00.000-04:00

I heard the soft pitter-patter of rain outside, and I turned to watch the drops fall. Each one fell in slow motion, zooming to the ground, until they splashed onto the pavement, leaving a wet spot where it had met its untimely demise. The rain got harder and as I felt the rush of
sadness come back to me, the sounds of the busy office faded away. All I could hear was the rain now.
_________________________________

I knew as soon as I'd heard that I had to go back. It seemed ironic that the same person who had made me leave was now making me return. I booked the quickest flight out of D.C. which left the next morning for San Francisco. From there, I'd rent a car and take a 4-hour drive to
Stanton. I still had no idea how to explain myself to the school. I couldn't just go and say I wanted to know who'd killed the only person I'd ever really known.

One

2005-04-21T16:31:00.000-04:00

Have you ever gotten that feeling of nostalgia? It's strange, isn't it? You feel a rush of rememberance, yet while also feeling a pang of sadness as you realize those times are over. It's a strange feeling. This is what I felt as I stepped out of my car my first day in Stanton. The august winds blew my bangs across my eyes, and I heard the rustling of leaves across the pavement. I just stood there for a moment, taking in the scene. It was exactly the same as I had left it, with the swing sets, the double doors, and the chip in the wall no one had ever fixed. Yet somehow, it was very different. The place in front of me was the not the school I'd grown up in. It was a school plagued by rumors, cheating, bullying, and shootings. The shooting was what had brought me back there, and until I had found some sort of way to let go, it would keep me here.
______________________________________________
It had been a Saturday morning when I heard the news. I had finished eating my typical breakfast of cereal and milk, when the doorbell rang. I remember to this day the look Jess had on her face. As she opened her mouth to say hello, no words came out, and she broke down and cried on my doormat. It was only a few minutes later that I would carry the same look on my face.
______________________________________________
I walked through the doors, and though escaping the cold outside, a chill ran down my spine. I felt very alone all of a sudden. Slowly, while still absorbing my surroundings, I headed into the office. A large brown sign labeled "Office" led me in the right direction. A mother was frantically talking to the large woman behind the desk, so I sat down next to a young boy of about 14. I smiled at him, but he met my smile with a scowl. I turned away, remembering the dread I'd had when I'd gotten sent to the office. I had sat in the exact seat 12 or so years ago, awaiting my imminent doom. Billy hadn't let me use the pencil sharpener the same day my fish had died, and he was making me so mad, I punched him in the gut. Of course, I was sent to the principal's office in tears to meet the intimidating Mr. Franklin. The feeling was the same as when I had heard the news, only multiplied many times, as not my fish had died, but someone much closer to me.
______________________________________________
At first, I had been in shock. How can someone's life end in an instant? No goodbye's. No don't worry's. No nothing. The life of my dear friend was over and there was nothing I could do about it. I was helpless. I wanted to cry or scream or die or kill or something, but my logical side knew that none of that would help. But I couldn't just stay home and pretend it didn't happen. I had to ask a question. The question we all ask at one point in our lives. The question that may seem to resolve the grief, but we know it'll only make it worse. Why?

A Novel Idea

2005-04-21T16:00:00.000-04:00

I have finally come up with a new idea for a book. I won't describe it here, because, well, you'll find out. I'm going to try my best to keep posting normally, but the majority of most of my next posts will be my novel. You'll find out what it's about as you read it. Well, here I go. Wish me luck, and thanks for reading.

Science Friction

2005-04-19T20:55:00.000-04:00

Hey there! So in science today, we got our project sheets in science for our mousetrap car projects, which will be our final project in science. I want to do good on this and I alreayd got a great idea! Since, as you know, I collect those free internet CD'S, I took my flashiest ones and used them for the wheels. Plus the fact that the wheels are thina nd very smooth helps in that it reduces friction! But then I had to find something the wheel could hang on to, since the CD hole is pretty big. I used markers, and it worked perfectly! So I think this is pretty creative, and I hope I get a good grade! Well, I have to go, but I'll try to check in ASAP tomorrow! Thanks for listening!

Do the Shuffle

2005-04-19T17:51:00.000-04:00

OMG!!! I HAVE A NEW FRESH FAVORITE SONG!!! JERK IT OUT BY THE CEASARS IS AWESOME and I can't stop listening to it!!! If you think you haven't heard it, you probably have. It's the song from the iPod shuffle commercial, and it ROCKS OUT LOUD!!! I normally would check out the rest of the aritst's songs, but I felt like writing this post and so, I shall look at them lata!

So I e-mailed all the invitations out and I'm gonna give the remaining ones out tomorrow at school! I'm really excited. I can't believe in 17 days, I'll be 14! Wow! Plus my parents are getting me a Mac Mini, so I'm uber-excited!!! I invited 15 people, too, and if all of them come, it'll be my biggest party yet! And I once I get to TJ, I'll be able to invite all my old friends and new friends, and it'll be even BIGGER! Oh, and tomorrow is our first day with block scheduling, too! I'm SO... not excited. I have to spend 92 minutes in ALGEBRA and CHORUS!!! AARGH!!! This sucks majorly!!!

Oh! I figured out what the name of that song that goes, "All the things I used to say, all the words that got in the way, all the things that I used to know, have gone out the window". It's When It's Over by Sugar Ray, and I bought it along with Someday by Sugar Ray, too! I'm real hyper and I can't stop listening to Jerk It Out! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I'm going insane in the membrane!!!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!! C-U-L-A-T-E-R!!!!! THANK YOU! GOOD NIGHT!!!!

Spring Reading

2005-04-17T20:44:00.000-04:00

So I just back from Borders with a truckload of books. I got Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë, but I got the Kaplan SAT version which has the story on the right with bold-faced SAT words and the definition, pronunciation, and synonyms on the left. I also got Frankenstein by Mary Shelley in that SAT version, but since it says that some parts have been rearranged and/or changed, I purchased a $3 unabridged copy, too. I found this random book called About the Author by John Colaptino, which (surprise!) is about an author who has just hit it big. Sadly, he has an envious stalker that is blackmailing him. Othet than that, I have no idea what it's about, but it seems interesting. I got Easy French Reader, too, and that's abunch of stories in French that are written in basic to advanced French, so you can pratice reading the language. Next, I got the Complete Idiot's Guide to Geometry, since I said I was reading it on my TJ Activities sheet, even though I actualy wasn't. Oops! Well, I'm reading it now! Speaking of TJ, I also bought What Really Happened to the Class of '93 by Chris Colin. It's about the 1993 graduating clas at TJ, and one of them, Chris Colin, goes and interviews the most of his classmates he can find, to see how their lives have changed since high school. It's completely true, too, which is surprise since I don't like nonfiction. I've already read the first 2 chapters, and it's extremely interesting. It's the first book on the list I'm planning to finish reading first. So there you have my new April-to-possibly-May-though-doubtful-since-I-really-like-these-books-but-possible-since-some-are-very-long book list. Thanks for listening and happy reading!

Capture-The-Moment

2005-04-17T12:21:00.000-04:00

Way sorry I haven't posted in a while! I started writing a post 2 days ago, but then I had to do something else, and time slipped away, and next thing you know, it's today. I hate that I can't finish a post if it's not the day it happened. It's like I can't get my inspiration for that post back.

Anyways, my 3-day weekend was pretty good. On Friday, I lounged most of the day, and yesterday, I went to Katie's birthday party. The only problem was that with 40 minutes before the party started, I still hadn't wrapped the presents! I had to rush out to CVS, but wrapping paper and a bag, rush back home, only to find that the gift barely fit inside the gift bag, scarf down 3 waffles while my mom gift-wrapped, so I wouldn't starve since I don't eat much at parties, and zoom out the door, only to get lost and arrive a not-so-fashionably 20 minutes late. Everyone was there. Justin, Ben, Will, Meghan, Hannah, Kelly, Austin, Crystal, Amanda, Spencer, Nadya, and like 12 other people. Wow. The guys were playing 500, and the girls were gossiping, so I stood on the sidelines, not wanting to join either. Man, I hate feeling awkward at parties. Katie decided that we should play a game, and of course, every guy except me wanted to play football, but of course, the preppy girls like Hannah and Meghan said no. I'm probably the only guy I know doesn't watch or play football. Anyways, we decided on capture-the-flag at the fort thing, and I got stuck being the guard. I liked the job, though, cause I didn't have to interact with the other people there. So everything was OK, since no one could really get our flag since it was at the very top of a 20 foot high lookout thing which could only be accessed by climbing up a 7 foot wall that I was blocking the entrance to. But we didn't anticipate for Spencer to stretch himself to 6-feet, leap across from a railing, and grab the flag. I didn't see him until the last second, and as I ran after Reed, who Spencer had tossed the flag to, I realized I was sloshing throughout thick mud, so I tried to stop by grabbing onto a branch. Sadly, the branch had thorns all over it, and I had about 10 cuts on my hand. Ow. So then we walked back to the tables to eat something, and I wanted to check how much sugar these sodas had, which led to people thinking I was diabetic. I drank water, and since I "wasn't hungry", people though I was anorexic too. Wow. So I ate some chips, to make them happy and then we just hung out. We played a strange pretzel game, and then we had ice cream. Then we played volleyball, and I hurt my arm really bad playing. I must've hit it weird or too hard or something, cause it still hurts a little. I was being less shy, and suddenly, Ben and Tom show up, and I left it up them to be shy, instead of me. I had fun and though Katie didn't open her presents, I think she'll like them.

So then when I got home, I ate, and my mom and I decided to install The Sims again on my computer. We played until 1 AM and then I went to bed, but it left me wanting to play the Sims 2. Sadly, it's too big to fit on the basement comp, and I don't have a graphics card here, so until then, we can't play it. I installed it though, so that if and when my dad installs a graphics card, I can play it ASAP. Well, there you have my weekend. I hope yours was just as good! Cya, and thanks for listening.

Words To My Ears

2005-04-15T23:58:00.000-04:00

Kind and Generous

2005-04-13T22:06:00.000-04:00

Wow. 4 months. Can you believe it? Wow. Four months, 2239 views, and about 90 posts later, I've gotten this far with my site. I've managed to edit my site's HTML and make it fancy, get a lot of people to get on it, get a title, a new fake name, and a motto, and get frequent visitors. I hosted a contest, asked for advice, ideas, and help, and spilled my life's guts onto its pages. I've told you things I haven't told ANYONE. Not even my best of friends. You let me be me, and not be judged by anyone else. You are me, in my entirety. Thank you. I really mean it. Thank you for EVERYTHING. You are the one person I can tell something to, and know I won't be laughed at, made fun of, or be embarrassed about. Thank you. Thank you for being so kind to me. For being there for me when no one else was. When I really needed someone to talk to. Thank you for your selflessness, and for never asking anything of me when I ask the world of you. I am bound to thank you forever. From the very bottom of my heart, thank you for doing what no one else could give me. Thanks for listening.

Hanging Around

2005-04-12T15:22:00.000-04:00

Hey hey hey! I'm behind Stratford with Leighton and I just thought I'd check in. Leighton says "Mice eat cheese." So today was normal. We finally finished the trial in civics, and sadly, we lost. 16 to zip. Yeah. It was pretty sad. It took them about 2 minutes to go in, vote,
and come out with a verdict. On the other hand, it was pretty fun and all the attorneys did a great job of presenting themselves, except for Meghan. And we also got to arrest Austin for being in contempt of court. Imagine Crystal as a bailiff trying to put handcuffs on Austin. It was
pretty hilarious. Then in gym, we took pictures, and since I couldn't get my hair right, they probably turned out horrible. Then in French, our MALE sub said I was a "nice-looking boy". Scary! Science was normal, and in English, I got to share my poster, and no one listened, but it
was fun. So now here I am, talking to Leighton about that I won't remember in a year. Unless, of course, I still have you. And guess what? Tomorrow will be our 4-month anniversary! YAY! I'm excited, and I hope you are too. Thanks for keeping me inspired, and thanks for listening.

Big Pimpin'

2005-04-11T20:57:00.000-04:00

Guess what? I'm friends with Morgan again! And I'm loving it. She's a cool peerson and I have no idea why I wasn't her friend. I must have been crazy.

Well, I found out who's going to TJ. Someone said only 20 people from Sandburg made it, cause they were at Science Olympiad with Mr. Butter, who had the list of who made it, and he told them that only 20 people made it. That's 4% of the people who are going to TJ. Well, here's the list:

Crystal
Austin
Spencer
Amanda
Nadya
Katie
Jenny
Alexa
Diana
John B.
James
Me!
Autrine
Katherine
Arianna
Ryan J.
Niaz
Will
Alex S.
and some girl named Theresa on Team 7

That's 20 people, but I have the feeling there's more than that. I mean, it's hard to believe that 19 out of the 20 people who made it are on Team 6 GTC. Actually, it's not THAT hard to believe. But I think my source was wrong. Anyways, I'm really glad a lot of people I know made it, so this way, I'll have friends there already. I also hope everyone goes. Even if I didn't want to go, which I don't, I would go anyways, because I would feel like I would be taking it away from someone else who would've gone but didn't because I applied, and I wouldn't even be going. But I am going and I want to go, too. So I'm happy!

Oh, we had SO much fun in chorus again! I was a pimp!!! I had meredith on one shoulder and Emily on the other, and now they're both my new friends "with benefits". Anyways, I'm becoming good friends with them and I so wish Emily was an eighth-grader so I could invite her to my parties. I don't know; maybe I'll break the rule cause of her and Jordan, cause they're cool, for sevvies, I mean. But then again, I thought Rachel was cool until the party, and then not so much. Well, I don't know.

OK, so I'm really sick now. I have a stuffy/runny nose, a sore throat, a headache, and either a fever or a drop in blood pressure at different times. Help. I really don't want to be absent from school either. But I can't go to school like this! Arrrrrgh! Well, I have to go! I'll blog tomorrow! Cya and thanks for listening.

Semi-Charmed Life

2005-04-10T20:20:00.000-04:00

So. Yesterday I went to Potomac Mills, to have what was supposed-to-be a good time and a chance to buy a bunch of summer clothes and stuff for camp, as well as Katie's birthday gift. (I wont tell you what it was in case she comes onto my site.) Well, it wasn't so fun. First of all, I couldn't decide what get Katie. Her cryptic clues and vague suggestions didn't help much either. Then, I was feeling really guilty about having my mom spend all this money, since I'm flat broke, and she got mad because she doesn't care how much she spends. She has like 500 credit cards, which are like all maxed out. And after the first 2 and 1/2 hours we'd been walking, I was getting a bit tired, and she got mad about that too. We walked of the store 4 hours later having spent less than we did on groceries today, which in my opinion, is a good thing. Then the ride back, she got more and more mad, until it escalated way too far and she said "That's why you have no friends." I felt as if someone and stabbed me, thrown me off a cliff, hit me with a car, electrocuted me, and set me on fire at the same time. I mean, people say that to me all the time at school, but it doesn't matter to me there. But to get the same shit you get at school at home, well, frankly, that just sucks. So she kept yelling, and I felt like vomiting, and I burst into tears as we pulled into Baskin Robbins, because she was saying that she had always run away from home when she was my age, and she wanted me to tell me stuff, and I was all feeling horrible, and how much I wanted to run away, and I wanted to throw up, and I couldn't tell her how I really felt, so I finally burst. I cleaned myself up enough to go in and buy ice cream, and when we got home, we had a really long talk about everything that was happening, and we discussed a lot of stuff, like how I should act, and what I don't like about her, and a lot of stuff. I won't bore you. But the point is, we cleared up a bunch of stuff that had never been said before. I really do want to change and not be the person I'm becoming, this disobedient child who doesn't respect his parents. I want to be NORMAL. But I doubt that'll happen anytime soon. I have an abnormal relationship with my mom, where we're best of friends sometimes and hate each other and other times. Maybe this is how everyone feels at one time or another. I don't know. Maybe I'm just filled with teenage angst. I don't know. But whatever it is, we're trying our best to work it out.

So, after that, I got to today, which as I predicted, was neutral. It wasn't GREAT, but it wasn't HORRIBLE. My dad got back from the army thing he goes to, and he was really happy I got into TJ too. I wore some of my new clothes and I really like it. I'm also still REALLY excited that I'm going to TJ. Oh, and so far, that I know of, the people who made it are me, Katie, Spencer, Amanda, Jenny, Austin, and someone else whose name I'll put here when I remember it. Also, Ben D., Michael, and Patrick didn't make it. :( I really didn't expect Michael or Patrick to not get in. I'm guessing Patrick's grades brought down his test scores, because I know he is really good at math and science; it's just that he's very lazy and a big procrastinator. I took him on as a personal challenge in French, but I sadly failed. Michael is also a great student, and I really do not know why they didn't accept him. I'm thinking maybe because he's Asian, since the school is almost 1/3 Asian. But he still should've gotten in. Anyways, those are the people I know of so far. I'm really glad several people who I know are going; that way, I won't have to completely start over. Plus, I'll have someone to sit lunch with the very first day of high school. Wow. The very first day of high school is only 158 days away. Wow. That's just a tad longer than half a school year. Yikes. A whole new chapter opens for me soon. A new stage in my life. The next step in this staircase of life. The next gamble in the casino table of adolescence. The next note in the melody of existence. The next-- OK, I'll stop. Well, anyways, where ever this seemingly innocent life takes me, I'll be ready. Wish me luck, and thanks for listening.

Change Your Mind

2005-04-08T20:10:00.000-04:00

I will NEVER forget you. Ever. I had to leave my friends once. I am not leaving you. I think about the friends I had in California all the time, everyday. I will never forget them. And I will never regret coming here. Moving to Virginia was the best thing that happened to me and my mom. She's much happier, as am I. I would've never had as many opportunities open up for me there as I've gotten here. I miss them, of course, but I don't rgeret leaving. And just as I don't forget them, I won't forget you. I moved 2,670.3 miles away from my friends, but I don't forget them. I'm still in the same place. I live in the same hosue. And I'm the same person I was before. Just because I'm going to a different high school doesn't mean I will ditch you for my new friends. Yes, I will make new friends and I will have new friends, but I will still have people like Kara, Ashleigh, Leighton, Michael, Patrick, and Steph there and I won't ever forget my friends, no matter what. You hear that, Morgan? NO MATTER WHAT. You can trust me on that one.

In other news, as you've probably noticed, I made it. I am going to Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology. Yay! I am definitely going, no doubt. So excited!!!

OK, guess what happened today? I had a weird and interesting day today. I got to school very wet in my nice mock trial clothes which weren't so nice anymore. I sped to the bathroom so that I could fix myself and I guess I looked OK by algebra. I'm so excited because I got a 100 on my algebra test, which was enough to boost my grade up to an A!!!!! It's a 93.98 A, but I'm OK. In civics, the mock trial was nervewracking, especially as Austin tore me apart. I also accidentally messed up Meghan's questioning, since I interpreted her question wrongly, which completely threw her next 5 questions into the trash. Then in chorus, we all got hyper and were all yelling and running around while Ms. Green tries out sevvies for next year. I even got everyone, including myself, to turn all their clothes inside-out, and we looked like dorks! But it was really fun and evryone looked at us funny as we walked to 4th period. FLE was... strange again, with an abstinence video and and AIDS video, the former having a scene I would never like to see again. Then in French, after looking forward to this period since we would get to see our movie, I get there, and our DVD is missing after having turned it in yesterday. She said she knew what happened to it, but wouldn't say, so I stayed after a few secs after thae bell rang, and she said that she thought someone in her 6th period Spanish class has taken it, and she revealed she'd CALLED THE POLICE and they were coming to her period. Over a $5 DVD. I'm thinking she didn't tell me that maybe she'd gotten other stuff stolen too. So I was like in shock as I headed to science, where our roller coaster we were building was a complete and utter disaster. We were all done, about to start our trials, when LEIGHTON, and not me, for once, knocked over one part and we had to redo that small part. Sadly, it took us 30 minutes to fix it, and just barely made the deadline for finishing. Then in Engish, saly, I didn't have my pictures that revealed the inner side of me, but Ms. Hindenlang said we could do it over the weekend, so I'm happy!!! As I headed to the bus, I had lots of fun with Steph and Patrick and Emily and we like sang the whole way home! It was so fun!! And so I get home to be greeted with a locked storm door and no key. AARGH!!! So I called my mom, who of course, was mad, but I knew she wouldn't be mad once I told her I made it.

So, I just took an hour long break because my mom finally got off the phone and I told her! She was so THRILLED!!! She called like EVERYONE we knew! It was a bit scary, but I was really happy too! I even started to dance around in my room when my mom hadn't gotten home yet! Yes, so I am going, I will not forget you, I had a strange yet interesting day, and things are good. This day really changed my mind on everything, after having been really sad the past few days, even though, of course, I didn't show it. I feel like I'm back on top. I'm on top of the world. :) Thanks for listening.

Declaration of Awesome

2005-04-08T16:17:00.000-04:00

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
!!!!!!!!!!! I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT WHO'S THE MAN WHO'S THE MAN???? GONNA PARTY LIKE ITS MA BIRTHDAY OH YEAH TAKE THIS!!!! BRING IT ON!!!!! WHOS LAUGHING NOW??? OH YEAH!!!! GO KEVIN GO KEVIN GO KEVIN GO KEVIN!!!! kevin rules!!!! GIMME A K GIMME E GIMME A V I N WHAT DOES IT SPELL??? KEVIN!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO MADE IT KEVIN WHO MADE IT? KEVIN! I CANT HEAR YOU!!! KEVIN! OH YEAH!!! YOU CANT BEAT THIS GUY!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SSSSSS!!!!!

iClick Mini

2005-04-05T21:54:00.000-04:00

OK, mini-quick-super-speedy-click! I've got 10 minutes and then i have to go to sleep! OK, I finally got Blogger to work cause the server was down or something, but anyways, I also fized my scanner, and it works! So I scanned in the pic of Ashleigh where she looks like Natalie Portman and I got some pic of the real Natalie of the web and put them in there. The one in the top-left is Ashleigh and the others are Natalie. Don't they look a lot alike? Anyways, just wanted to show you. Cya! Thanks for looking!

Vertigo

2005-04-02T13:14:00.000-05:00

Oh! I forgot to tell you yesterday that my new lucky number is 14. Not only am I going to turn 14 in 1 month and 4 days, but also, I've encountered 2 incidents involving the number 14. In science, on Thursday, we did these math problems for candy at the end of class. I'd already won one, but it was the last one, so I decided to try it. So I looked at it and then I blurted out "14!" and guess what? I was right! It was so awesome! Then the day after that, in civics, Ms. Myron asked us what amendment the current event we were talking about corresponded to. I blurted out "The 14th!" again, and I WAS RIGHT AGAIN!!! I was like, whoa! It's like strange. Maybe something will happen on my 14th birthday. Who knows? Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that, so I'll catch ya later. Thanks for listening.

Author-ity

2005-04-01T21:00:00.000-05:00

OK, wow. My slam book is really gaining poularity. Actually not really. But a lot of people seem to like the idea of a slam book that doesn't actually "slam" people. And they don't mind if you put their name in it or write stuff about them if you don't "slam" them. I like the idea too. It's great because I can't get in trouble, because it's all true. As one commenter wrote: "... interesting yet kind of wierd...you're like making fun of the lecture ... you aren't trying to get into trouble. Now if someone takes it from you it won't say anything bad...it'll say "Kevin's name is Kevin" and "Justin is a Person." Nice, yet funny :)". I kinda do want to get it taken away and read by administators, cause I want them to try to get me in trouble and have them not be able to. Whoa, it's like the song I'm listening to, where these people are kept being told to come down now, but they want to stay. I've really wanted to always challenge authority, but I never do, because I 1. am not brave enough to, 2. chicken out everytime I actually might, and 3. think it could damge my record forever. Yes, I know, I'm a coward. Sometimes I think I'm like Dr. Jekyll, where I am actually evil, but I am good because I need to keep a respected name for myself, and then one day, my evil side will come out. Scary.

You know how I have those things where I completely play out a scene in my head, complete with facial expressions and hand gestures? No? Well, now you do. I like completely see it happeneing in my head. It's like a forced daydream I make up myself. It's very strange, but I've already had one where I fight with the administartors because they can't get me in trouble for anything, because I haven't done anything wrong. Some memorable "day-dreams" are walking out of Ms. Maier's class, yelling at Ms. Armitage, and running away from school. One thing I really daydream about a lot is what Larry did in "The Gospel According to Larry". A pseudocide.

Pseudoside: “False Death". Pseudocide is the idea of faking ones death, we view this as though a looking glass to where the victim can observe his or her importance to the world through experimentation by which their piece of the puzzle is removed and the impact it may have on society, the same society that put them in this place to begin with. All in all, Pseudocide is not suicide nor homicide but means of being alive with the overview of non-existence, possibly what many may feel inside.

This is like my best choice to take when I get so pissed off I just don't want to exist. Of course, I know I probably would never commit pseudocide, but it's nice to know that I have that escape option, just in case. Anyways, back to the subject. I printed a bunch of pics of my friends I took today to put in the slam book of them. It's pretty cool. I even added some definitions in the back of burn, slam, book, slang, and real, so they can't get me with their stupid slang terms that no one actually uses. So this book is really coming along. Anyways, I'm getting extremely tired of typing, especially since I accidently turned of my computer and had to rewrite most of this post, and so I must bid you all farewell. Good evening, and if I don't see you tomorrow, good morning, good afternoon, and good night! Thanks for listening!

Slammin!

2005-03-31T17:13:00.000-05:00

She died. Terry Schiavo. Man. It's really sad. Although it made sense logically that she should have been "unplugged" a long time ago, it still... well, I don't know. But it's really hard to let go. I went through the same thing when we had to put my dog Moni to sleep. She was in a lot of pain, and we knew we had to, but it was still pretty hard to let go. And the Pope is dying. Like, very soon. They already gave him his last rites. Wow. Aargh. I know that so many people die every day, but it's still sad to hear about these people on the news. I just thought I'd post a little bit on all this.

On a lighter note, as I was looking at news headlines and I found this very strange one. Italy revisits plot to kill Pope. I was like, whoa, why does Italy want to kill the Pope? Read the article to find out. Also, I have started a "slam book", after we had a weird lecture in gym on slam books, bullying, and consequences. Only that our slam book, which is being made with the help of Leighton (actually he just helped me think of it, but he doesn't know my plans until he reads this), Patrick, Emily, Mara, Steph, and Paige, won't say bad things about people. Instead, it just says random facts about people. For example, some stuff we wrote was 'Justin is a person', 'Ben eats food', 'Kevin's name is Kevin', and 'Emily is a girl'. Yeah, I know. But we're also gonna include pictures of the people doing these things. It's gonna be funny and/or weird. Anyways, my mom brought pizza home, so I'm gonna go eat it. Cya, and thanks for listening!

Impostor

2005-03-28T20:59:00.000-05:00

OK. I changed my name. Well, not my real name, but I changed my fake name. My new fake name is George Remi Ford Warren. George Warren for short. I went onto a site of baby names and clicked around with my eyes closed until I'd found 4 names I'd clicked on. So this is my new name on here. Yup. Well, nothing interesting to tell here. Oh, one hint, in case anyone feels like doing something when they're bored. Take the titles of my posts, and google them, in quotes. I've found that the relevant sites that the title has in relation to the post is almost always on the first page. Well. Thanks for listening.

Day In, Day Out

2005-03-27T18:59:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: 23 by Jimmy Eat World

I've decided to do something. It'll be fun. I think. Anyways, I decided, in honor of the fact that every day comes only once, and that'll it will never be March 27, 2005 EVER again, to say goodbye to every day by writing a rhyming couplet about that day. I know what you're thinking. Couplets always rhyme, don't they? Well, actaully they usually rhyme. But mine will rhyme as well. This tradition will start today, since it's Sunday and I memorized the calendars by using the day of Sunday. Hmmmm. Let's see. The couplet has to have the specific day in it. Meaning I can say: "this 27th day of March of 2005" or "the last sunday in the third month five years after the year 2000" or "March 27th, 2005" or " the fourth first day of the week in the ninth to last month in the year that is in the middle of the 200th decade". OK.... let's seeeee. How can I make a couplet.... OK. I think I got it. Here goes.

Goodbye to you, March 27,
in the year 6 before 2011.

Yay! I wrote my first goodbye couplet. I'm gonna keep a notebook of all of them! I know what you're thinking. How an I gonna keep all these couplets in one notebook? Don't worry, I've got plenty of notebooks to keep them all in! Anyways, have a great March 27, 2005, and savor it, because it's the only one of its kind. Thanks for listening.

Nothing Is Real

2005-03-27T18:00:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: Let Go by Frou Frou on the Garden State soundtrack

O, jut becaue I' boed I' gona tae ut ne ltter frm ech wrd i te sentece hat m crrently riting, hre n y rom i y hose, n te drk ith o ligt bt te liht frm tis monior, y fier-opic lap, ad y iPd. That was weird. I feel dizzy. But the good kind of dizzy. To quote a book I just finished readin called "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time", I feel "giddy". But not happy. Or joyous. Like anxious. I don't know.................................................................................................... . Maybe I'm crazy. That would be strange. It's dark. I want to sleep........ OR PRESS KEYS AJHDAJKHDHGYVDSAUGQUJEQBJQBEJBDJHBDANWJUMPINIK5
TOHG2/ L6V6M/3;U76 lalalalallalala. CRAZY YZARC. ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA. waiting for. in the breakdown. get in. get out. YOU MOM. if i had a nickel------------------LOLLIPOPOPOPOP and the pursuit IN 17 hundred seventy-six COLO;URRRR squaredscientificnotastion /\/\/\/\ im feeling thin todaYYYYYYYYY WHY is for the way you look at meattttttt My dad's a butcher. Beauty. Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalm . MAma, Do you love ME? IT'S ME MARAGARET. cello???? WHo is IT? frankly, my dear, TICKTOCK, EVERYBODY stop in the name of LOOOOOOOOk a bird a plane no its a birddddd pencil ssca red of hus own shadow time and time again ticking clock UR BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS ticking. ! Who dares enter MONEYS and maths MAGNET OH SCOPE!! *PLaylsit LALS FOGS. what you! see mountain oxygen me nous=funny talkkkk blow your noseFUNNY FAACE pancakes talking nonstopguinessworldofrecordbooks. But no butshers Tie me up and hit me with a fish ha thats FUNNY. over my dead bully............... You and me.

Hand In My Pocket

2005-03-27T00:45:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: The "90's Hits" Playlist on My iPod

In response to the 7 posts that were exactly the same, I won't go out with any of them. I made a pact not to date until high school, because you know it'll end in a sec. It was Crystal's idea, but she forgot and she's dating some guy. Sigh. Anyways, my life's been good. I'm playing blockade on my cell a lot now. Oh, and I bought 2000 French Verbs and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. Well, I didn't eally buy them. My dad did, but only because i'm broke. I was overdue on my last cell bill, so I had $80 to pay off and only $60 to do it with. Luckily, I get allowance April 3rd,one day to spare before I'm overdue on my bill again. I also bought, I mean, was bought, those HP iPod tattoos I really wanted last year. I used the Indie Rock Blue Preprint, and it look real cool, except that it came out a bit off-center. I also bought (with my own money) The Photo Album by Death Cab for Cutie, The Garden State Soundtrack, and Turn On The Birght Lights by Interpol. The Garden State soundtrack ROCKS and solely based on the music, I want to see the movie. I went to the website, and the tariler has Such Great Height on it!!! Yay! :) I checked out Zach Braff's blog, too, and he's a prettycool guy. I also bought, on iTunes, a bunch of 90's music I like and put them into the 90's hits playlist. This has, No Diggity, Unbelievable, Sunny Came Home, Losing My Religion and a bunch more. I also made a "Great Eight" playlist which has my 9 favorite songs on it, and a "Fresh" playlist with new songs, like Since U Been Gone, Caught Up, and Don't Panic. Oh, and the Ted/Leo cover of Since U Been Gone is awesome. I still haven't done my spring break homework, so I'm gonna get DTB tomorrow and finish, even though my math stuff isn't due til Tuesday. I also better work on my survival guide for English, before my group kills me. They already hate me, especially Alexa, the girl who's obsessed with Ms. Hindenlang. Rachel is kinda funny, and Allie is a bit odd, but also OK. And you'll never believe this: I'm friends with Derek Marsh. Ye,s the same Derek Marsh I made fun of and called "Handbag", because he admitted he'd used a handbag once, all of last year. Now we're friends, and he's not so bad. He likes to talk about video games and sci-fi stuff that I'm not so much into, but I just nod my head, and pretend to be interested. And you'll also not believe this: I actually am permanently not friends with Abbey. Yes, the same Abbey I kept hating but returned to be friends because I am so clingy, and who I've known for 4 years. I had the guts to do it. Except for the fact that she doesn't know I'm not her friend. She thought I was mad at her, and I just try to avoid her. But she's such a bee-atch, that I don't even care. But I'm fine. I'm pretty happy right now. Life isn't perfect, but I'll manage. I'm just gonna let myself go where ever life takes me. Gliding along the highway of life calmly, cause I've got one hand in my pocket while the other one's giving a high-five. Thanks for listening.

Curiously Beautiful

2005-03-25T14:04:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: The "Fresh" Playlist on My iPod

OK. So I got back from California last night. OK. It was strange. First of all, the first flight was fine, but the second was HORROR. I wanted to just strangle and/or punch the ANNOYING KID that wouldn't stop kicking my chair. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. And the third flight didn't involve kicking, but INCESSANT TALKING. Are we there yet? Is the plane moving? Why's the plane moving? When are we moving? WHY WOULDN'T THEY SHUT UP???? But we survived and came back here OK on the fourth flight. In CA, I saw all the sights I wanted to see, like my school and the library, and it was extremely fun. I also connected with my mom a lot and we had a lot of fun. I got some clothes and a bunch of CD's, which are uber-expensive. We went to see landmarks of the past, like the house Chiqui was born in. But my dad is the same man he was when we left. He is still disappointing and still has a lack of communication with everyone. It's sad to see it all when you don't live like they do. And my grandma still seems miserable and has all these problems in her life, but she still worries about everyone but herself. I was so sad at seeing her like this, I had to excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom. And the thought that my FATHER doesn't even help her enough just disgusts me. It's really sad. I've changed so much since we left, and even though I don't think I realize it, I am so much better off here. And so much happier, too. My mom is too. Moving here with my stepdad is probably the best thing that ever happened to us. The word that comes to when I think of our life here is "quaint". Our life is "strange in an interesting or pleasing way". My mom and I had so much fun by ourselves without my dad, and we have fun with my stepdad too. I have such a great life here, and I plan to keep it that way. Thanks for listening.

Threesome

2005-03-20T21:34:00.000-05:00

Way sorry I haven't posted in the last week and a half!!! I've been trying to, but I always get caught up in something else. Sorry!

So, I have a problem. It's not really problem, as it is more a... strange situation. Well, first of all, there's this girl in math class, we'll call her "Jenny", who I think likes me. She always gives me stuff, and she says hi to me whenever she gets the chance. And she laughs at my jokes even if no one else does. This could mean nothing, but I get the feeling she does like me.

Also, I found out that Ashleigh likes me again. Yeah. It'll never work. And I can't go through dumping/getting dumped with her again.

And, last, and maybe least, a sevvie, let's call her "Karen", likes me as well. She's called approximately 5000 times in the last 3 days. AAAAAAAAArgh. But she's OK. A bit obsessive, if you don't mind me saying.

So there we go. I have to go, cause I gotta wake up early tommorow. Cya! Thanks for listening.

Just Once

2005-03-12T21:27:00.000-05:00

Hey! I finally decided that I'd actually write a post. Those other ones don't really count anyways. So, I just finished baking cookies and watching Shark Tale with my parents. It was pretty funny, and it was nice spending time with my parents.

In other news, we had District Choir Festival today. If you don't know what that is, it's where each choir group in the district goes and sings and gets graded on 2 rehearsed pieces, and a sight-singing piece. Our sight-singing judge gave us a 1, and from the 3 judges that graded our rehearsed pieces, Hallelujah Amen and How Can I Keep From Singing?, we got a 2, a 2, and a 1. Yeah, I know, horrible. Last year, we got a 1, a 1, a 1, and a 1++. But no!!!! Stupid Ms. Green is too lazy to give up a free period, so she crammed all the intermediate people into our choir. Man, I am so not liking her.

So, guess what? Don't kill me, please. Something else I am so mad about is that I'm getting a B+ in algebra and civics!!! AAAAAAAAARGH! If this ruins my chance at straight A's all year, I'm gonna be SO MAD!!! AARGH! I'll just have to try harder. What sucks is that if I get into TJ, everything is going to get so much harder. I mean, my parents, meaning my mom, keeps pushing me too hard. I have so much pressure on me at school, and I get even more at home. They expect me to the best at EVERYTHING, but we all know I can't be the BEST at EVERYTHING. I'm really good in some areas, and in some, I'm not so good. I try my hardest, and I think that that's what they don't understand. Sigh. I wish I could just skip everything and just be 27. Out of high school, and college, living on my own. But then you have your job. So I guess the only times you're actually happy are birth to around age 6, and 70 and up. Life sucks. But it's better compared to the alternative. All I want is to be happy. If I can be happy as an adult or as a senior or as a teenager, then I'll be okay. Thanks for listening.

Kevin Indicates Composititon

2005-03-12T15:53:00.000-05:00

theofandtoainthatitwasiforonyouhebewithasbyathavearethisnotbuthadhis
theyfromshe whichorweanthereherwereonedobeenalltherehaswouldwill
whatifcanwhensonosaidwhomoreaboutupthemsomecouldhimintoitsthen
twoouttimelikeonlymydidothermeyournowoverjustmaythesenewalso
peopleanyknowveryseefirstwellaftershouldthanwhereback howgetmost
waydownourmadegot

burdened Leighton Brooklyn
Michael campaign understanding
Spencer enforcement ambition
Katie shuddered blond
Crystal caring statistical
Kara austral bartering
discontent Amanda organizing
pull Chris somehow
Patrick shouted spare
Carly antall brunette
predominant gestured Paige

23

2005-03-12T15:49:00.000-05:00

so here i stand
on the brink of the edge
the ground is fragile
the dirt slips away from my bare feet
a familiar sound echoes in my head
the distant song
of sorrow
as time passes
the leaves wither away slowly
play your cards right
and you just might win the jackpot
but what does it matter if you get the world and lose your soul?
reflect on the past
in the mirror of my life
shatter the glass
water flows down the pieces
as it flows down the crack in the floor
it mixes with everyone else
in a whirling torrent
that can't be seen
i'll sit around forever
what am i hoping for? a sign? a dream?
get up, get out and play
with the plaster of your world
i can't always live in my regret
gotta giddy-up to the future
and find who i really am
i could be a firefighter, a director, a navy seal, a writer, an accupuncturist, a golfer, a cia agent
it's out there
my life
it's waiting for me
i'm here, i'm now, i'm ready
don't give away the end
the one thing that stays mine

Medley

2005-03-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now:
It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me saying
"Get that together come back and see me"
to go grey
and i'll sit and wonderof every love that could've been
if i'd only thought of something charming to say.
baa bah, this is the sound of settling
baa bah, baa bah
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday just around the bend
and i can't wait
baa bah, baa bah
baa bah, baa watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi 'cause it's never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
Part of this was mine
I wanna fall in love tonight
Are you gonna
Live your life
Standing in the back
Looking ask you
What it’s all about
I'd like a stinkin achin shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavors
Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know
The vertigo is
Get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna
Be quite what you want
Even at 25
You gotta start sometime
I’m on my feet
I’m on the floor
I’m good to go
Now all I need is just
To hear a song I know
I wanna always feel like

Stick around nostalgia
Won't let you down
Someone's gonna ask you
What it’s all about
good to go
drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison
Whatcha
Why did we ever meet?
Started my rock 'n roll fantasy
Don't don't, don't let's start
Why did we ever part?
Kick start my rock 'n rollin heart
I’m on my feet
I’m on the floor
I’m
So perfect you paint it... yet so manipulated.
So calm and so patient... yet oh so calculated.
So safe and to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt
It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sidesand said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
Boring a way
If this fire is out of control
Then I'm out of control
And I burn
Eyes
Burning
Then I'm out of control
And I burn
Oh, how I burn for you
Burn
How I burn for you
Burn
How I burn
How I burn
How I burn
How I burn
How I....
This fire is out of control
I'm going to burn this city
Burn this city
This fire is out of control
I'm going to burn this city
Burn this city
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.
This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings both to blame, but what could we do?
This fire is out of control
I'll burn it
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.
This may never start.
I'll tear us apart.
Can I be your enemy?
Losing half a year.
your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
I'd be your memory.
Feelings disappear.
Can I be your memory?
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
Waiting for the same.
This may never start.
Tearing out my heart.
I'd be
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it'll still be two days till we're sorry
Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie

Smart Or Lucky

2005-03-09T20:35:00.000-05:00

So sorry I haven't posted in a while, but my computer's been down, and I was busy what with SOL's. The multchoice part was wickedly easy, and suprisingly, the prompt was as well. I wrote quickly and effciently, and it may be the best essay I've ever written. Now watch me get a 2. Anyways, the only hard part was finding something to do during the 2 1/2-hour wait after I finished. First, I just sat there and twiddled my thumbs, cause I thought I would get in trouble if I took out my notebook, which I really wanted to doodle and/or come up with more acronyms for SOL in. Finally, I took it out and worked on a bunch, making up at least 5 by the time I got bored of that. Next, I doodled and wrote song lyrics all over the paper, which got "One Week" stuck in my head, which wasn't too bad. Finally, I decided to work with some materials in my backpack. I tried to do something with index cards, but I couldn't think of anything. But then, I saw my post-it notes. I grabbed them, filled with inspration, and created and extremely long chain using all of them. Then I had people write their names on the squares, but Katie wrote my name like 5 billion times. I draped it in my room earlier. After creating my Post-It chain, which draw the attention of several people around me, I found a good (not really) use for my index cards. A card castle! Unfortunely, there were many critics, who, in response to my abstract art, crushed it. Ah, to be an artist unrealized in your own time. :)

So, what else can I tell you about that's happened in the past week? Ah! Last Mardi, after school, I headed to Stratford, which is was as normal as a giant pink hippo riding around on a tricycle down your street if you lived in a place where this happens a lot. (Desole, I used so many literary devices on my essay, I have to rid them from my brain.) Anyways, it was bitterly cold, but it was funny cause we kept sliding on the ice, cause it like shattered like glass everytime you touched it. The only bad part was, that it was so windy, this enormous tree branch was dangling and it feel on my head. It hurt. :) But I had fun, especially since j'adore quand il fait du vent! So, the rest of the week was normal, except for Friday, when we made our film francais! It was extremely awesome, except for the fact that I got soda all over me, cause SPENCER was being stupid, as usual. He's funny and crap, but he just doesn't know what to get serious and buckle down. Wow. I sound like an adult. Crap. Anyways, the movie was funny, and we had fun. But the weekend was a total bust. Apart from the fact that it was completely and utterly boring, I had to worry about the Sadistically Opressive Learning; the Stupid Old Literature; the Systematically Organized Lessons; the SOL's, which are Slowly Obliterarting Lives!!!! So sad. But I got over them, managed to pull throught the 50000000000 hour writing prompt, and made it to today. Well, here's to tomorrow, the day after, and.... I don't know, the day after that? Thanks for listening.

Chaos Theory

2005-03-01T22:43:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: Delicate by Damien Rice

Hey, OK, well now I'm back from my hiatus, and I'm talking to everyone again. Things are better at home and at school, I guess. I mean, they're OK, just a bit more than fine. I'm OK. I'm not great. I'm not depressed. I'm not ecstatic, but I'm not down. I'm not cheerful or pessimistic. I just feel like a B-. Like that everything is good, but it could be better. I guess these are supposed to be the years when life soars, and you're in your prime. But I'm just stuck in the place where I'm too young to stay at home all the time solo and too old for daycare. Just that awkward point where you're somewhere, but you really aren't anywhere. On the road to nowhere, but it's still a road. Before now, I was just me being me, and after this, I'll be me being what people expect me to be, but right now, well, I don't know. Before now, I was a kid, and after this, I'll be an adult. It's just a transparent point. A place that isn't a place. I feel so... There. Like that I'm here, and I couldn't do anything about it even if I wanted to. It's just a weird feeling. I guess I'll look back at this when I'm older, and laugh. Or cry. Or smile. Or not. Maybe I'll ask how I felt like this. What's stranger still is that I have so many regrets, yet if I was to start over, I'd do everything exactly the same. There was this thing, where it asked you if you would rather relive your life and live to be 100, not knowing what you know now, or live to be 60, knowing what you know now. I'd take the second, to try to fix what went wrong, but when I really think about it, I couldn't. I believe everything happens for a reason, but I wish I could change so much. But what am I gonna do? Stop my parents from divorcing? How? Even if I did, I'd miss out on my life in Virginia. My mom seems to be happier with my stepdad, but that could just be another facade. I wouldn't have met Michael or Leighton or Katie or Crystal or Spencer or Ashleigh or Leighton or all these great friends I have. But then again, I'd have formed stronger bonds with Kameron and Anita and Brandon and Derrick and Holly and Cashel and everyone else. I know it's bad to dwell on the past, but I always find myself thinking "What if?" What if I'd picked up the eraser before Ryan did? Crystal wouldn't have been laughing hysterically. They would've gotten the board to the room faster. I wouldn't have been able to talk to Aaron, and his mom wouldn't have known who I was. I wouldn't have seen Mr. Commons' son. I wouldn't have told Justin and Michael about it. They wouldn't have sat where they did. I wouldn't have seen the mug that reminded Justin of his science project that he'd left in the classroom. A whole new alternate reality is created based on a single, seemingly miniscule event. The classic flat tire=lost job=divorce=depression chain. Metaphsyiology. Or something like that. Thinking about thinking. If my mind hadn't connected two events together as I was thinking them, I wouldn't have connected the other 2, or the other 2, or the next few, leading me to forget an important event. I think about thinking a lot. Now that I know a lot more about psychology, I seems to be analyzing every move I make. Every thought. Why did I say that? How'd I do that? How'd he know to do that? Why'd she act like that? And every single thought leading to another, connecting billions of stored information, letting me think and rationalize. Too scientific? Sorry. It's just incredible. A guy wrote a book about the generalizations we make in the blink of an eye the second you meet someone. If I saw a man wearing an unwrinkled suit and a nice tie, with a fancy watch and briefcase, would I think he's a murdererous ex-con? No. If I saw the same man in torn jeans with a stretched-out shirt, smoking and looking like he had a hangover with no shoes, would I think he was a rich tycoon? No. But each move, each characteristic I see, I smell, I hear, I analyze, trailing every experience, making up my decision about that person. All in a split-second. Incredible. Just incredible. And that's why I analyze my every move. By one false slip, that person can have a completely different view of me. Picture this: I come to a nice business meeting, but on my way, I trip and stumble. That single event can lead them to believe I'm clumsy. Or irresponsible. Or maybe I'm unfocused. They don't like me, and I don't get the job. All stemming from a split-second event. The butterfly effect. The snowball effect. The pebble-on-the-moon effect, for Mr. Curtis alumni. Who knows? Maybe something here will spark your memory. Or not. Thanks for listening.

In One Ear...

2005-02-28T17:16:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: 40' by Franz Ferdinand

OK. Let me say this and let me be clear. I am not mad at the following people: Kara, Steph, Leighton, Paige. I do not give a rat's ass about the chat. That had almost nothing to do with anything. All the chat was was a small, tiny incident I never would care about normally. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back. The last nail in the coffin. I am friends with the following people: Kara, Steph, Leighton, Paige. If you had been paying attention, I said clearly that "I just need some space right now". I also said "But just for right now". I said this twice in my blog. All I need is some space from people right now, but I am not mad at anyone. Thank you, Kara, for calling me an ass. I care about you too. All I wanted was to be left alone for a few days. Yes, I know, I could've just said this on AIM everytime you tried to IM me even though you knew I wouldn't respond, but I assumed you all had read my posts outlining the information above, since you all commented a million times. I guess I assumed wrong. Now, if you all would please get that into your head!!! Sorry to be harsh, but I just thought you would've gotten it by now.

P.S. The only reason I'm on AIM is because I chat with my dad in California on AIM. This is why it seems that I'm typing and changed my mind, but it's just that your window popped up as I was IM'ing him.

P.P.S. I know I said I needed a break from people, but that meant my friends. As I said in another post, my family life is suddenly great, just as my social life started to crumble.

P.P.P.S. Please stop IMing me or inviting me to chat! I refrained form warning and blocking you all because I'm not mad at you, but it's getting annoying. Thanks!

College Collage

2005-02-28T13:13:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: Hangin' Around by Counting Crows

So. Here I am. Hey! So I'm still on a hiatus from my friends, and most of them seem pretty perplexed. How sad. They don't even know what they've done. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Anyways, on a lighter note, I've been researching colleges now outside of Virginia, and I have a new first choice. Are you ready? Stanford. I know what you're thinking (well, actually, I don't, but if I did, that would ROCK). I'll never get in. But if I try hard enough and really apply myself, well, you never know. What interested me most about Stanford is that they have the best psychology department and program in the U.S., which I plan to major in, and is one of the few schools I've found that offers creative writing as a minor, which is what I'd like to do, since I still love writing; it's just been overpowered by my sudden interest and fascination with psychology. Stanford is also one of the few schools that offers Early Action, in which one applies earlier and finds out whether they've been accepted in December but is still allowed to apply to other schools under regular application and have until May to decide whether you wish to go if accepted, instead of Early Decision, in which you also apply earlier but aren't allowed to apply anywhere else and must go to the school if accepted. It's also the 5th best national university, beaten only by colleges like Yale and Harvard, and rank #3 for "Happiest Students" and #5 for "Best Quality Of Life". And the fact that it's an Ivy League school makes it the much more attractive, though it also makes getting accepted a hell of a job. The only other colleges I've seen that really interest me are UVA, College of William and Mary, and Pomona College, which is also located in California. Wow. My favorite colleges are either right on the west or east coast. Maybe that symbolizes something. Or not. Thanks for listening.

The Cookie Crumbles

2005-02-27T01:30:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: The Sound of Settling by Death Cab For Cutie

So I've completely isolated myself from Leighton, Abbey, and Patrick, and I hope it stays that way. I don't want to talk to them, nor will I. I'm just so sick and tired of hating them, then being friends with them because I need friends. From now on, if someone hurts me like they did, it's over. No second chances. Never got them, never going to give them out. Besides, I have friends who won't treat me like them. Or do I? I don't know. I mean, Spencer, Amanda, James, Crystal, Michael, Paige, Mariam, Ed, and more never hurt me or insulted me really badly to the point where I hated them. I don't need to be friends with people who won't treat me like them. Well. Actually. Now that I think about it. Leighton never really insulted me. Or hurt me horribly. I never hated Leighton. I don't know. I don't want to not be his friend, because he is really great and funny, and he's not a horrible friend, but I don't want to talk to him right now. But I don't hate him. I just need some space right now. From all my friends. From everyone. But just for right now. I'm on an hiatus from people. Strange. Thanks for listening.

Wait! I haven't updated you on what's happened since my last post that updated you on my life. Well, I spent the last 2 days recovering from the incident of above. I also spent a lot of quality time with my parents, especially my stepdad. I even convinced him to buy himself an iPod mini! He bought it! And tomorrow, we're getting my mom the DVD/VHS recorded she's wanted. I feel really happy with my family life all of a sudden, just as my social life starts crumbling. But with enough tape, I'll put it back together, even if I don't save every crumb. :-) Thanks for listening.

Third Law

2005-02-25T15:24:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: Untitled by Interpol

I feel alone. I wish I wasn't here. I want to cry, but I won't let myself. It seems that every time I feel really happy, it's followed by a depressing period. I want to be someone else. Someone whose friends are actually their friends. I hate that I can't trust anyone. I try to be there for everyone, but no one's ever there for me. When I want to talk. When I want to be listened to. Is that really so much to ask? And I just feel so selfish when I want someone to talk to, so I keep it inside and it stays there. Yeah, we all laugh and have good times, but it never can erase what they do. Or don't do. What's worse is that I know I've done it before. I've ignored someone when they needed me most. And now I get mine. But do I really deserve this? To be shunned completely? To be totally isolated? To be left out? Maybe I'm making too much of a big deal out of this. Or maybe I make everything too small of a deal, and so it repeats. It's like a drug. I guess if I could stop it, I would. But I keep coming back, because I know that without them, I'd be worse off. Is that really what it's come down to? That I need to have friends, bad or not, just to be happy? I guess everyone needs them, but I can't seem to find the good ones. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one who subconciously pushes them away by being myself. But I shouldn't have to change for them. Right? I don't know. It just seems that I'm so alone. Alone in a sea of people. Whoever you are, thanks for listening. It seems you're the only one who is.

Twenty-Four

2005-02-24T12:24:00.000-05:00

wooosh
spinning around
in this pretty place of posed posies playing playfully
my spirit flying
wooosh
the air is a feather
tickling my entire body
lifting me up
into the farthest of reaches of my head
filling me up with images of joy
wooosh
they fly by
warming my heart
across the ocean
fill my feet with the hot sand of my beautiful island
miraculous explosions
wooosh
passing my eyes
singing purely
with a voice of perfection
the mountains peek up at the clouds
and say hello
wooosh
smiling the brightest smile
lighting up my life
with unimaginable bulbs
bursting with ecstasy
laughing the loudest laugh
that echoes over the atmosphere
telling you how i feel
wooosh
i land quietly in the dead of night
and i look around
and realize
i'm not the man i was twenty-four hours ago
i finally find that i've become
me.

Shorts and Briefs

2005-02-24T09:41:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: Somebody Told Me by The Killers

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO SCIENCE TEST OR CIVICS QUIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And so I sit here typing my blog, and enjoying myself with a glass of chocolate soy milk, and talking on MSN Voice Chat with Leighton. It's pretty fun. Seriously. :D

So, our pyramid concert went good yesterday, considering we stank out loud. But I enjoyed myself, cause all the people from our lunch table were there, like Ryan, Zach, and that kid who cusses a lot. Well, sorry, but I have to post this, so Leighton can read it. Thanks for listening!

The Butter-y Effect

2005-02-22T20:47:00.000-05:00

Hey! Whazzup? OK, I am now totally convinced. After reading about 2 million reviews of the iBook, it's now what I am yearning for. However, I don't know if either West Po or TJ let you bring laptops, so until the, my parents aren't so sure, but if they allow it, then they'd be happy to but it, especially since it only costs $899 on Amazon.

So, Mr. Butter, AKA Mr. Fruity, AKA Mr. Margenooooooooooooooooo, actually said he is going to go to my blog. If he hasn't been on my blog yet, then this is the 1st post he'll say, so yippee for him. :p Anyways, now my mom wants a blog, too, so looks like the blogginess is spreading. Next thing you know, Mr. Butter will have one! AAAAAAAAAAAA! By the way, we're calling him Mr. Butter, cause Margenau sounds like margerine, which is butter. So now you know. Anyways, thanks for listening. See ya!

Relax

2005-02-20T19:52:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: Online Songs by Blink-182

So today was relaxing. I woke up at 11 and then watched Mad About You with my mom until 3, then I came up and got on the computer and just satyed here in my room and occupied myself by "exploring", where I dig through my old stuff and find neat things I forgot I had. Then I got back on the comp, and stayed there until now. So, yeah, today's been relaxing.

My parents want to buy me a laptop for high school, and I think it's a good idea. We're probably gonna buy the iBook G4 if we buy one, cause Mac's are so much more reliable than PC's. So yeah. I don't really feel like blogging right now, sorry. Anyways, see ya.

The Final Countdown

2005-02-19T19:43:00.000-05:00

OK. After 8 hours and 285 songs, I am now only 5 songs away from reaching the midway point of my 590 songs, a feat I've never accomplished before. OK, Dare You to Move by Switchfoot just ended. And here comes The Reason by Hoobastank. We're nearing the midway point! I'm gonna stop after that, cause I need to, or else I'll explode, and it won't be a pretty sight.

Only 1 minute til The Reason ends, and I'll be Movin' On Up to the next song. I wanna Party Like It's 1999, cause I'm So Excited. Oops, I Did It Again! I'm talking in song titles! I better Stop, in the Name of Love, or I might Faint, and start Rollin' on the ground, and that's something I Don't Wanna Be doing. Somebody Told Me I was an American Idiot, but Everytime I Look For You, everything gets so Blurry! It's Obvious, isn't it? I'm Addicted to this! I have to try Breaking the Habit. Oh well. I'll be Hanging Around the Boulevard of Broken Dreams until Me and Mia have our appointment with Mr. Brightside. I reached the final song. It's Hello Again by Hoobastank. Finally, I may Rest In Pieces, knowing that I Will Survive going through so many songs.

Over and Over Again

2005-02-19T16:28:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: No One Knows by Queens of the Stone Age

Time again to blog! I just saw the end of a movie called Ricochet, with John Lithgow and Denzel Washington. and it was kinda disturbing, cause like a few minutes after I put the movie on, Denzel got his arm impaled on a pole and then John got impaled and died, and it was weird. Yeah.

So. I've now gotten through 212 songs on my iPod on shuffle. Wow. I've gone through The Postal Service, Hoobastank, Green Day, Blink-182, The Killers, Breaking Benjamin, Switchfoot, Franz Ferdinand, Matchbox Twenty, Counting Crows, Incubus, The Offspring, Interpol, Jason Mraz, Blind Melon, Dashboard Confessional, Coldplay, Low, Keane, Dido, U2, and many many more! Wow. That's a lot. And that's not even a quarter of the bands I've listened to in the past 5 hours!!!My parents went to walk our dogs in Oldtown, so right now, I'm kinda bored. I should eat dinner. Maybe not.

Oh, yeah! I almsot forgot! In an effort to keep this going, click here to go to my post about music, where you could win up to $2.50!!!! (Seriously.) And it looks like you've got some competition, people! Abbey's already figured out 5, and is on her way to her 6th! Catch up, people!!! To give you an idea of what bands lie on the puzzle, there's Green Day, Blink-182, Linkin Park, Matchbox Twenty, John Mayer, so don't think there's no one on there you don't know. Anyways, thanx for listening! :)

Ketchup

2005-02-19T10:48:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: Come As You Are by Nirvana

Hey! Felt like saying hi, so here I am! My new monitor is so awesome! Now I don't have to squint to see the screen.

In an effort to keep this going, click here to go to my post about music, where you could win up to $2.50!!!! (Seriously.) And it looks like you've got some competition, people! Abbey's already figured out 5, and is on her way to her 6th! Catch up, people!!! To give you an idea of what bands lie on the puzzle, there's Green Day, Blink-182, Linkin Park, Matchbox Twenty, John Mayer, so don't think there's no one on there you don't know.

Oh, and please give me youe e-mails. I've now synced my cell, both emails, my computer's address book, my iPod's address book, and Outlook, which I now use. So awesome!!! Feel dree to e-mail me!!

Also, me being the idiot that I am, I forgot to commemorate our 1,000 view mark and our 1-month anniversary! Thanks to everyone who made this possible, including all my friends, next-bloggers, and everyone else! Thanks again, and thanks for listening!

Snip It

2005-02-18T21:44:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: Brand New Colony by The Postal Service

Hey! Just wanted to post so it sends me an e-mail to my new e-mail address, ryter221@g-mail.com! In an effort to keep this going, click here to go to my post about music, where you could win up to $2.50!!!! (Seriously.) Anwyays, cya!

Strange Enough New Play On Words

2005-02-18T20:23:00.000-05:00

I don't know if you've noticed, but several of my blog titles have been song titles, e.g. Mr. Brightside, Float On, etc., and some have been song lyrics, e.g. "home sweet home", "mistaken", etc. Anyways, I found this blog, which had a cool idea, so, of course, I took it. :) The idea is that you take 10-15 random songs and get a line or lines from each song, string them together, and make a short song. Then people must guess where each line comes from, and prizes are usually included, such as $50 in the one I saw. Sadly, I am not as rich, so my prize is 2 dollars! Yippee! However, you're only eligible if you go to my school, so sorry, next-bloggers! Anyways, here we go! Introducing our first Musical Challenge!

She couldn't scream while I held her close.
She swears the moon don't hang quite as high as it used to.
I'm just a crosshair,
I can't do anymore about you,
Less I hear, the less you say.
No matter what you say, I'm not afraid.
You left a stain on every one of my good days,
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did.

I've been here before a few times,

And I go to work with my friend Dan.

Everybody do the propaganda,

Nobody thinks that there just might be more than one road to our destination.
I heard voices of friends vanished and gone.

Unless you change that number on your dial,
Anyone can make what I have built.
Lost your sense of fear,
Show me some of that Spanish dancing,
You don't have to wear that dress tonight.
You are my purpose, you're everything,
There's oceans in between us, but that's not very far,
And I've done all I can to stand on the steps with my heart and my hand.

We wanna know we own the cake we're eating,
And whether mice and men have second tries.
Remember the time I spilled the cup of apple juice in the hall?
Will it rain today?
I can make my first steps as a child of 25.
And I'm turning to the horoscope and looking for the funnies,
I just made you say underwear!

OK, that was way more than 15 songs. Some songs are by the same artist, but I took these 28 off the first 100 songs after shuffling my iPod. And since there are 28, you only must correctly identify 17 to get the 2 dollars. Also, you recieve an extra 50 cents if you can correctly identify the song in the title of this post. These songs are all, or have been, popular, so these aren't really skewed songs 3 people know. Good luck, and thanks for listening!

Dr. Jekyll Is Wrestling Hyde

2005-02-18T19:33:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon

Today was pretty cool, especially in French. We were playing jeopardy, and Alexis threw her English book at me. Luckily, I ducked, and it bounced off the wall straight into the trash can, which, unluckily for her, had Ms. Armitage's foul-smelling tuna lunch in it. We tried to get it out, but Ms. Armpit-bitch yelled at us. We eventually got it out, but it was covered in tuna chunks and smelled like crap! I couldn't stop laughing, and went into one of my hour-long giggle fits, while Ms. Armpit-bitch kept yelling. So we got so pissed off, our whole group decided to forfeit. Of course she didn't let us, so we gave the stupidest answers, like when we were asked to translate "What's the weather like?" into French, and we answered with "vert", French for green. That only made my laughing continue, which led to more yelling, leading to more laughter. Then we poured hand sanitizer on her book, and made me laugh even more! Then by the end, I'd calmed down a bit, and when she yelled for someone to clean the trash, I got pissed off at her, and so I didn't clean it up, holding everyone back. Amanda had to clean it, and I didn't care, even though my conscience was going ballistic. It was like some other person had taken over me, and I was stuck watching. I just laughed, but not a giggle. It was a chuckle. A horrible, mean, cruel chuckle. Then she told me to push in a chair, so I took the chair and shoved so hard into the desk, I knocked the desk over, and walked out of class smiling. But I wasn't happy. I was partially scared. It was very strange. I hope I'm not becoming that person. Anyways, I'm back to normal now, so don't worry. I think. :) Anyways, I have a good idea, so I'm gonna put it to good use, and I'll be back in a few to post it. Cya!

The Truth

2005-02-15T20:58:00.000-05:00

Music I'm Listening to Right Now: Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind

So Valentine's Day came and went, and it was so-so. Well, first I fought with my mom real bad in the morning, and then I was still mad after. Then people kept giving me Valentines and candy and that cheered me up, so I wasn't mad. But then I realized I hadn't bought her anything. I was panicky until I remembered they were still selling Valentine's Day stuff at lunch, so I could but it there. Until I figured out I had no money. Then I remembered that I had the money I didn't spend from All-District! But when I got to the counter they were sold out of everything cheap so I still didn't have enough money. But Patrick lent me some, so I was happy and I bought cookies too. So I get home and I find out someone's hacked into my mom's e-mail and bought hundreds of dollars in purchases with her credit cards. But my mom is happy when I show her the gifts. But then I get a bloody nose, but luckily, it goes away quickly. But not quick enough, because I don't even have to time to finish my homework before 24, which was an awesome episode. So there we go.

Anyways, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I've been über-busy, what with TJ applications and West Po registration. Oh, and by the way, I've been holding out on you. I held back some things because I know my friends read this and they would be shocked/creeped out/annoyed/hurt, but no more. This blog is for me, and no one has to read it. Here are some things you missed: I liked Ashleigh. I exploded with rage again, but only for a few seconds. I actually think that's it. But from now on, no more holding back. Nothing but the truth, the whole truth, so help me.... science? Anyways, thanks for listening, and friends, forgive me if you areshocked/creeped out/annoyed/hurt by anything on here, but this is me talking about everything, even if that means you.

Bureau Of Repetiviteness and Excitement Deprivation

2005-02-11T21:54:00.000-05:00

Don't wanna go to sleep.
I have to.
Don't wanna.
Bored.
Can't think of antyhing.
BORED.
B. O. R. E. D.
Bureau Of Repetiviteness and Excitement Deprivation.
The hills are DEAD with the sound of SILENCE. BLA BLA BLA BLA.
The sun WON'T come out tomorrow, because it's trying to find something to because it's so BORED.
Give a little bit, give a little bit of your BOREDOM to me, cause obviously I'm not bored enough.
I walk a BORING road, the only road that I have ever been so BORED on, where the BORING go, and it's only me, and I walk so BORED.
Aaargh this is boring. BOREDOM. Catch me some excitment before I die of boredom. Don't leave me here bored. Elephants walking is less boring that this. Fish that are dead are less bored than me. Gee, this so BORING.
Everybody get on the floor, we about to get BORED.
I can let my hair be boring, I can do anything BORING, and know you AREN'T there to catch me when I'm BORED with you.
C'est barbant.
Esta aburrido.
Give me a B. NO. Give me an O. NO. Give me an R. NO. Give me an E. NO. Give me a D. NO. What do you get? BORED.
The square root of boring plus the product of me and now is equal to BOREDOM.
Guess what? All this tlaking about boredom gave me something to do and not be bored. YAY!